More Love Than Two Can Handle
by Sweta
Summary: After Ted and Amanda's son Teddy Junior is born, Laura is forced to face her still burning love for Ted. But he is now married to Amanda, and this entails more complications than Laura could have ever imagined. Especially when Amanda reinstates an old proposal… [Laura / Ted / Amanda – rated M for low-level erotica]
1. Persian Nights

**_Author's Note: _**_This story is part of my (ongoing) five part series forming what I like to call "my personal second season of Pan Am". All the stories are relatively independent and can be read in any order. However, if you want to read them in chronological order, I recommend starting with Kate's story: "We'll Always Have Beirut":_

/s/9344458

_For a complete overview of the series, please see my profile page or the last chapter of this story._

– – – –

_Pan Am – "More Love Than Two Can Handle"_

**Persian Nights**

_v1.0.2 (June 25, 2013)_

"Don't forget your appointment with Doctor Honigschnaps on Wednesday!"

Maggie was standing in the kitchen and spoke to Laura, who was still getting dressed in her room.

"I won't forget this time."

"Well, darling, I won't remind you a second time, so don't blame me for any consequences…"

Even though Maggie could not see her in this moment, Laura blushed at her roommate's frankness. Talking about this issue was embarrassing enough to Laura, even when she, if she was honest with herself, was not really threatened with the consequences Maggie was talking about. As a Pan Am stewardess, Laura was an unmarried woman by definition, and as an unmarried woman, she had no access to birth control. But as a Pan Am stewardess, Laura did have access to Doctor Honigschnaps, a very helpful and understanding practitioner, who understood the needs of unmarried women jetting around the world.

Maggie had first told Laura about him and his special patient base of fellow stewardesses when Laura had moved in with her. Laura had insisted that she was still a virgin, that she planned to marry the one man that would change this fact, and that she therefore didn't need Doctor Honigschnaps's special service, but Maggie had equally determinedly insisted that she had to see him. Maggie had been the stronger and more determined of them, and for some months now, Laura received "hormonal treatment for menstrual regulation" and renewed her prescription once in three months.

By now, Laura was no longer a virgin, but still unmarried, so in some respect, Maggie had been right. But then, Laura had not been with another man since her experience with Joe. In the end, all this was probably yet another thing that was part of being a modern and self determined woman, and so Laura had finally resigned herself to it. Exactly as she was going to resign herself to a totally different thing she didn't want to do just today.

Laura grabbed her coat and stepped out of her room, ready to go. Maggie was already waiting for her, and the both left their home. Today's appointment was not with a doctor, but in some ironic way, it was still linked with it, in that it wouldn't have occurred if a certain someone had known Doctor Honigschnaps. Amanda and Ted had invited all their friends from Pan Am – Dean, Sanjeev and his wife, Colette, Maggie, and Laura – to see their newborn baby. Once more, Laura wished she could trade places with her sister Kate. After leaving their crew for this strange special training course, she was now based in Paris and worked as a standby stewardess for Pan Am's European flights. It was the perfect excuse for declining the invitation. But Laura was not living in Paris, she was living in New York, and she was still part of Dean's crew, as was Ted. She was simply unable to be so rude to decline seeing the newborn child of a friend, and so Laura got in the cab with Maggie and they both set out for Ted's apartment.

Maggie was sensitive enough to feel that there was something wrong with Laura, who was staring out of the cab's window without speaking a word. And she knew what exactly was wrong with her, too. Maggie surely remembered last New Year's Eve, when Laura and Ted had kissed at the party and had watched the Times Square ball drop, standing together like a couple in love. For Laura, the thought of this night was painful and embarrassing at the same time. Only minutes after new year had begun, when Laura had talked about her plans for 1964, Ted had told her about Amanda's pregnancy. He had told her, that he would marry Amanda, and that Laura and he could not be together. Laura had started to cry in front of all her friends, and then she had rushed out of Ted's place in tears. Since then, she had not been back.

Then the cab reached their destination, and Laura and Maggie got out, entered the building and took the elevator up to Ted's apartment. When they were standing in front of the door, Maggie stopped and reached for Laura's arm.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We can still turn around and go. We will tell them that you were sick, or you can even tell them that I was sick and you had to care for me."

Maggie looked at Laura sympathetically, and this time, Laura was not embarrassed, but just thankful for her good friend.

"No, it is alright, I have to get past this now." Laura answered and took a deep breath. "Maybe, it will even get better after today?"

Laura tried to make a hopeful smile, but she was sure that Maggie would see the insecurity that was behind it. The smile Maggie answered her with was equally unconvincing, but it nevertheless made Laura feel better. Maggie knocked, and to their surprise, it was Dean who opened.

"Maggie, Laura, welcome! Come in." their captain invited them.

"Are we late?" Maggie asked when Dean helped them out of their coats.

"Colette and I just were here early." he answered. "Don't worry, you even arived before Sanjeev and his wife, they will be late."

Laura handed him her coat and then slowly peeked around the corner into the living room.

There were four people waiting for them, including the baby. Laura could not see Teddy Junior from the hall, but she saw his crib standing in the middle of the room. Colette was standing next to it. She was bending forward, with her face close to the blanket, and the expression on her face was that of every woman when she saw a cute baby. Amanda was sitting on the smaller of the two sofas, watching Colette admiring her son, and her face showed the silent joy of a proud mother. But she looked not half as proud as Ted did. He was standing next to her, his eyes focused on the crib, and his face all smiles.

To Laura, it came as kind of a shock to see him smiling so happily. After what had happened between them just eight months ago, Laura and Ted had strictly avoided each other. It had not been easy, considering that they worked together in a sealed metal tube that was only 140 feet long and 12 feet in diameter. The simultaneous absence of Dean, Colette, and Kate in the first half of 1964 hadn't made it easier. But they had both been surprisingly successful in their efforts, and at the seldom instances at which they had met, they both had displayed a professional, straight face, banning virtually all emotions. For Laura, it really was the first time she saw Ted with a happy face in the whole year.

Before Laura could even process the shock, Maggie rushed past her, and Dean followed her into the living room. Maggie expressed her congratulations to the proud parents and then joined Colette in her admiration of Teddy Junior. Laura took another deep breath, then put on her best smile, and finally stepped in. At this point, Ted noticed her presence. He looked at her, and his smile grew even wider.

"Laura, come, see my son!" he simply said, and then his eyes turned back to the baby.

When Laura moved closer, Amanda rose from the sofa and smiled at her. She stepped forward and bent down towards the crib, reaching for the baby. Very cautiously she took it in her arms, lifting the infant on one of her arms and wrapping the other arm tightly around it, bringing its head to a rest against her shoulder. All eyes were on the child, and for the first time, Laura saw the baby boy, too. His eyes were closed, and his little arms were resting on his mother's chest. The image of Amanda standing there, with Teddy Junior on her arms, was so peaceful, so pure, that nobody spoke a word. Only after one second, Laura noticed that she was even holding her breath.

"Look, Teddy, look who's there! It's aunty Laura, she is here to say 'Hello' to you."

When Amanda broke the silence, Laura was not only still holding her breath, her heart stopped beating, too. It was feeling like a stab. There it was, the child of the man Laura loved, and who loved her, in the arms of the woman that had destroyed their love. The baby was so innocent, it was impossible to feel anger or even worse feelings directed at it. But at the same time, Laura could not forget that, if Teddy Junior had never been born, she could be Ted's wife now. She felt that she was close to getting overwhelmed by her emotions, that she couldn't hold back the tears for much longer.

"Hello, little Teddy." was all she could say. She stood there frozen, and all she could do was to hope that her smile was frozen, too, so that her face would not tell her true emotions. At least Maggie and Colette had to be sensitive enough to feel what their friend was going through, and they both looked at Laura. Ted, on the contrary, seemed to sense nothing. His eyes were still fixated on his son, and his smile was still radiating warm joy.

"Please excuse me." Laura muttered, and without adding any further words she turned and went to the kitchen, leaving her friends behind in the living room. She gripped the back of a kitchen chair, holding herself up, fearing that she might collapse on the floor. She tried to calm down, breathing deeply with her eyes closed. Then Laura stepped over to the sink and turned on the tap. When she had poured herself a glass of cold water, she suddenly heard somebody stepping into the room and closing the door.

"Are you alright, Laura?"

It was Amanda's voice. Laura didn't dare to turn around now. As calm as possible, she drank the water and took one last deep breath before answering her host:

"Thanks, Amanda, I will be well. It's just… I'm just a little dizzy, but I will be well, soon."

For several seconds, both women were silent. Laura was still staring at the wall in front of her, but she felt the presence of Amanda in her back.

"You know, Laura, Ted and I, we are both very glad that you are here with us today." Amanda broke the silence. "Especially Ted, I mean, you saw his smile…"

"He is so proud on his son." Laura struggled to keep her voice from breaking.

"Yes, he is, but it is more than that. He is really happy to see you, Laura. You should have heard him talking at breakfast. He was so looking forward to this afternoon, and he didn't even hide it. As you said, he is so proud on his son, but to him, the most important thing about all this was to present Teddy Junior to you. To share his joy with you."

Laura heard Amanda breathing deeply, and she heard the tension in the other woman's voice. She stared at the cupboard right in front of her face, as if it was the most interesting piece of furniture she had ever seen. Because, the alternative, to turn around and look at Amanda, would have killed her. For eight months, Laura had been avoiding Ted, had been trying to forget what had been between them. Now, one look for two seconds had been enough to bring back all the feelings she had tried to ignore.

And Amanda had obviously felt it. Even worse, Amanda had felt her husband's feelings, too. Laura herself hadn't been sure whether Ted was still feeling anything for her. His bright smile, that was in so stark contrast to what Laura had felt in this moment, had made her doubtful about her hopes. But if Ted really was still having feelings for Laura, than Amanda, as his wife, had every right to be angry with Laura. And now, she was confronting her about it.

"Laura, you have to understand that I'm Ted's wife, that I want to be him a good wife, and that therefore I feel obliged to make him happy. But it is obvious, that I can't make him happy as you do. And it hurts me to see him unhappy."

"It hurts me, too."

The sentence had just slipped out. It had not passed Laura's brain, but came directly from her heart. Now she was in shock about what she just had said. It was so insensitive, so inappropriate, and yet, it was true.

"I know." Amanda continued. "And that is why I want to ask you to do what I can't do."

That last sentence came as a total surprise to Laura. What did this even mean? Laura was so confused, so stunned by Amanda's request, that she turned around and faced her. When she finally saw the woman she had been talking to for the last minutes, she realized that all the time, Amanda had still been holding Teddy Junior on her arms. When Laura looked at the mother with her son, Amanda smiled at her.

"Laura, I think it will make Ted very happy if you engage in an affair with him."

It felt like a slap in her face. The feeling was so physical, Laura could no longer control herself. There she stood, the wife of the man she loved, holding his son on her arms, and she was asking Laura to become her husband's mistress, to save her marriage by this. Laura felt that she was tearing up, but she still couldn't move a step. Her eyes were fixed on the scene in front of her: Amanda standing there with her innocent baby. But Laura's view was becoming blurred by the tears that filled her eyes. Without saying anything, Laura stormed out of the kitchen, ignoring Maggie and Colette standing in the hall, she stormed out of Ted's apartment and out of the building in tears.

– – – –

"This is going to be your last night with the crew of the _Clipper Majestic_! I won't let you get away that easy! Have you already forgotten everything I've taught you?" Maggie raised the shot glass in her hand and pushed the other glass over to her. "For this night, I'm still your supervisor, so drink this, it's an order!"

With great satisfaction, Maggie watched Liz downing the drink, and then she emptied her own glass. Liz had been with them for only four weeks, but Maggie had gotten used to develop some strange kind of motherly feelings for all those young girls that were entrusted in her care. Since Colette had returned from searching her brother in France, and with Kate being based in Paris now, the _Clipper Majestic_ lacked the fourth stewardess. Pan Am headquarters seemed to have taken this as an opportunity for creating some kind of unofficial training course, because for the last eight months, the free position had been filled with young stewardesses on their first assignment after completing basic training. They all had stayed for only three or four weeks before being assigned to a new crew, but none of them would ever forget what Maggie had taught them in this time.

It was a strange fortune that Maggie, of all people, had become an example for so many young woman, but she was obviously enjoying it. For Laura, this meant that Maggie was no longer focused solely on teaching the finer aspects of the job to her. At the same time, her older sister had left, too. At first, Laura had felt kind of left alone, but then, she had realized that she had finally become a full-grown woman now, with nobody watching every step she made. She felt liberated by the new independence. And all the young women that were passing through looked up to her as a experienced stewardess, and this was a good feeling, too.

Laura felt somewhat sorry for Liz when she watched Maggie mercilessly pushing over the next shot of vodka. At the same time, she wished she was in the same opportunity Liz was in. They were all sitting at the counter of a bar in Tehran. Laura was placed between Dean on her left side and Colette on her right, but it was the sixth member of her crew that made her wish this was her last evening with all of them. Ted was sitting next to Colette, watching Maggie and Liz with an amused smirk on his face.

Ten days had passed since that day they all had been at Ted's apartment to see the baby, and since the sudden ending this afternoon had had. It had been impossible for Laura to avoid discussing all this with her roommate, and Maggie had been her a good friend in comforting her. Laura had felt way to embarrassed by the topic of the conversation she had had with Amanda in the kitchen, though, so she had left Maggie in the dark as to what exactly they had talked about. Colette had been available for consoling support, too, and even Dean had tried to cheer her up. But Laura had not talked to Ted since then, and even with Colette sitting between them, she realized that she was not able to go on like this. She had to cut Ted out of her life, she had to leave, because otherwise, she would never be happy again.

"This place is terrible! No music, nobody is dancing!" Maggie looked around the sparely crowded bar and shook her head in frustration. "I saw a club just hundred yards down the street when we were ariving at the hotel, and they played music there. I think it is time to move on for the next few drinks."

Before Liz could even think of protesting, Maggie pushed her from the bar stool and linked arms with her.

"What about you four, will you join us?"

"I don't have to follow any orders from you, you're not my superior." Dean answered with an amused smile and shook his head decliningly. Maggie's look wandered on to Colette and Laura, and both followed the example of their captain. For a moment, Maggie's eyes rested on Laura's face.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "You are missing a good opportunity to get drunk."

Laura repeated her gesture of refusal, but sweetened it with a thankful smile. She appreciated Maggie's efforts to make her feel better, but she was definitely not in the mood for drinking with Maggie and everything that came with it.

"Well, then we'll see tomorrow. You two better go to bed early, because I have the feeling you will have to take on some extra work on tomorrow's flight."

Maggie turned around quickly, tugging Liz behind her when she left the bar, without giving her captain the chance to protest against her plans. While Laura was still watching them go, Colette tipped on her shoulder.

"Would you mind changing places?" she asked, already standing behind the stool Laura was sitting on. Now that Liz was no longer with them, Colette felt no more need to hide. Both Ted and Laura knew about the relationship she and Dean had. It was wise to hide this breach of Pan Am's rules of conduct from a short time acquaintance like Liz, but Ted and Laura were friends that would never give away their secret. Laura moved over to the place Colette had been occupying, and at the same time, Colette and Dean shared their first kiss of the evening.

"You better don't even bother with making yourself too comfortable, I have other plans for us." Dean smiled at Colette when he took her hand and gently kissed its back. "There is a nice cozy restaurant just 15 minutes from her. No place for tourists, original Persian air. They serve the best Cheloe kabab I have ever had."

"Do you know this because you have been there before with a nice stewardess?" Colette teased playfully.

"My captain showed me this place when I was here on my first transatlantic flight as a first officer." explained Dean. "He was a very nice guy, though. I hope you don't get jealous."

"Well, I think I can handle this." Colette smiled and then turned to Laura and Ted. "I hope you don't mind us leaving you two alone."

"If you hurry, you can catch up with Maggie and Liz." Dean suggested, and then the two lovers were off for their romantic rendezvous.

Laura had looked after them across the bar, and when she turned around, she noticed the situation she had gotten into. After changing her place with Colette, she was now sitting directly next to Ted, and they both were effectively alone in the small Persian bar that was sparsely frequented by only some locals. She looked over at him, and she could read from his face that he was feeling as awkward as was she. They both avoided the other person's look and stared in their drinks. Just in the moment Laura had come to the decision to better leave, Ted started to speak:

"I hope I have good chances for promotion to captain before the end of the year. If there is no other way, I will ask my father to call some of his friends. Then I will leave the crew anyway, and we won't have to see anymore. I think this will be better for both of us."

"I thought about requesting a transfer, too." Laura replied dryly.

"If you can bear it, wait for my promotion. This way, you can stay with Maggie and Colette, and Dean. Maybe I'll take some weeks off to enjoy some time with Teddy Junior, then we'll have to see each other even less."

"I know that it is not easy for you to ask your father for this. Thank you."

Laura forced herself to thankfully smile at Ted, and he returned the favor. With some surprise, Laura realized that she really felt some relief. She couldn't have continued working with Ted forever as if nothing had happened. The time at which she had hoped for a happy ending for Ted and her were long over. But now she knew that there would be at least an end to all this.

"Are you going to meet with Kate at our refueling stop in Paris?"

"We both plan so, but she is always on standby, so it may not happen in the end. But if we can't meet tomorrow, we will still have another chance just next week." Laura answered, but then she realized something. "Are you trying to lure me into some small talk?"

"No, I'm just genuinely interested in this." Ted parried. "You two are sisters, and you live on opposite sides of an ocean, and still you get to see each other at least once a month."

"Stewardesses are lucky, aren't we?" Laura smiled at Ted, and he smiled back at her.

"Well, are you sure Liz would agree with you?" Ted replied. "What do you think, is she still on her feet?"

"I don't worry about her. Maggie will take good care of her."

"Are you speaking from first-hand experience?"

"Well, kind of." Laura laughed at Ted's question. "Back when I was new at Pan Am, Kate was always there for me, holding my hand and watching over me. But Maggie did teach me one or two things about the stewardess life style, too." Laura giggled when she remembered some of the most memorable 'lessons' Maggie had taught her. "There was this one night in Jakarta…"

"So, what happened?" Ted asked when Laura continued to giggle to herself.

Laura looked at Ted and shook her head. "Oh, I can't tell you about Jakarta."

"Why not? It can't be worse than when they arrested you and Maggie in Rio de Janeiro, and remember, I was the one who came to free you!" Ted insisted.

"Yes, you did." Laura looked at Ted and fondly smiled at him. "Okay, you'll pay the next cocktail, and I'll tell you about Jakarta. But only one more cocktail! Otherwise, I might end up dancing on the table… again."

If Ted had really tried to lure Laura into small talk intentionally, he had been successful. Laura told him about Jakarta, and he couldn't believe that she had been dancing on a table in a restaurant. She had to promise to show him the photos she and Maggie had taken. In return, Ted told her about one night he had spent in Panama in his Navy days. It was exactly like in the days before Ted had even met Amanda again. Back then, they both had been in love with each other, but they hadn't admitted it to themselves and had been just good friends. Now, there were still complex feelings standing between them, but they both knew what their future looked like, and that it wouldn't be a shared future. Somehow, this certainty had set them free to be friends again.

"We better get back to the hotel. Maggie warned you that you'll have to be fit tomorrow, and who knows when Dean and Colette will return. If Sanjeev won't have cured his headache till tomorrow, maybe we both will be the only ones doing all the work." Ted finally said jokingly, and Laura checked her watch. They had been talking for nearly two hours. When they both walked down the street that led to their hotel, Laura tried to sort out the confusing feelings she was having. This evening had started as the most painful evening since her talk with Amanda, but the last two hours had been fun. Laura caught herself drawing new hope from this. She didn't hope for Ted and her to live the love she had wished for for so long. But maybe, they could stay friends. If they just could preserve tonight's innocent happiness…

Meanwhile, they had not only reached the hotel but were already in the elevator. When the elevator car stopped on the floor both their rooms where on, Laura found herself regretting that she had given in when Ted had suggested to leave the bar. It had been her two happiest hours in the whole year, and now, this fantastic time were over. Only ten steps more, then they would part, and Laura feared that there would never again be a time as happy as this evening for her. They stopped in front of the room Laura shared with Colette.

"You are lucky again." Ted said. "Maggie and Liz are sharing a room, so they won't disturb you when they'll come back. I imagine that might get a little noisy."

"Well, I guess Colette won't disturb me either. She and Dean were in a very romantic mood when they left…" Laura answered when she opened the door, implying what they both expected to happen. Dean and Colette were not only living together in New York, they also shared a room wherever their flights took them.

As if this had been an invitation, or maybe just the occasion at which the awareness for the situation they were in came to them, Ted unexpectedly bent down to Laura and kissed her. Laura didn't resist. Intellectually, she knew that she better should stop this immediately. All the happy moments of this evening had only become possible when they both had accepted that there would be no love in their future, that there would be no shared future at all. Only seconds ago, Laura had hoped to stay good friends with Ted. This kiss would destroy all of this. It would spawn new hope that could never be fulfilled. It would be impossible to be friends when they kissed now.

But Laura didn't resist Ted, but answered the kiss. She slowly moved backwards into her room. Then she noticed that Ted seemed to have misinterpreted her movement. He didn't move at all, and their kiss broke. His eyes told Laura that he understood her step as a retreat from him, as a sign that she wanted it to end here. And while she knew that this was probably the right thing to do, it was not what she hungered for. Laura grabbed Ted's jacket and pulled him with her. Now Ted understood. Without looking, he closed the door behind him with a kick while they were now kissing again.

Laura stepped backwards until she felt her bed against her legs. Ted was already unbuttoning her blouse, and she started to do the same thing with his shirt. With a fast movement she opened the zipper of her skirt and then let both it and her panties slide down her legs before she sat down. Her hands ran over his naked chest, down over his belly and then they reached his pants, opened the button and pulled down the zipper. At the same time, Ted was still occupied with her bra. He finally managed to open it, and Laura took her hands of him to remove the bra and her blouse. Then she laid back on the bed.

For a moment, Ted didn't follow her. He kept sitting upright, his hands in his lap, and just looked at her. Laura started to fear that she had done something wrong, that she had somehow alienated him, or that he had a sudden fit of sanity.

"You are so beautiful." Ted said. "I have dreamt of this for so long, and now I wish I could spent the rest of all time just sitting here and looking at you in admiration."

He gently placed his hands on her torso, let his fingers circle her navel, and then wander up her chest. When his hands cupped Laura's breasts, it felt warm and tender. Ted kissed her mouth again, then her chin, her neck, her breasts. His tongue was exploring the valleys and the hills of her body, and every touch on her skin she felt deep in her body's center at the same time. Then his kisses took the same way back upwards, until his mouth was right at her left ear.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he whispered in her ear.

"I want to do this for more than a year, I am ready." Laura replied.

Ted's hands left Laura's breasts and moved down, gently gripping her hips and her tights. He pressed his lips on hers and simultaneously lifted her hips while he was slowly shifting his position. Their tongues met and when the kiss was at its most intense moment, she finally felt him enter her. Slowly, but with strength he sent thrust after thrust through her body. Laura moaned in pleasure. Her right hand grabbed the sheet, her left hand rested on Ted's shoulder, transmitting the exertion of his muscles while she was at the same time feeling it with her whole body and right in her center. Laura kissed Ted's face, his neck, his strong shoulders, but when he moved faster, pushing stronger, she was no longer able to perform such complex movements. She lost every last bit of control over her body, she fell back on the bed, her moaning grew louder, and then she was totally overwhelmed by the pleasure when it reached the highest point.


	2. 1965

_Pan Am – "More Love Than Two Can Handle"_

**1965**

_v1.0.5 (June 25, 2013)_

"So he won't be with us tonight, too?" Kate asked. She had known in advance that Sanjeev would spend New Year's with his wife, but now she asked Maggie about another person that might have been invited.

"No, he is in Hong Kong, he flew there this morning. He won't be back before the day after tomorrow."

Maggie threw up her arm in the air once more, and this time a cab stopped – finally. It wasn't easy to get a cab on New Year's Eve. Now Maggie, Laura, and Kate rushed into the back of the car.

"You don't seem to be particularly disappointed." Kate continued, and Maggie shrugged while replying: "Why should I?"

"Well, I thought you would have liked to spend this evening with your boyfriend."

Maggie pulled a face at Kate: "George is not my boyfriend."

"Oh, he isn't?" Kate sneered at Maggie and turned to Laura: "Laura, what is your impression of Maggie and Broyles's relationship?" Kate waited for Laura to respond, but her younger sister seemed as if she hadn't listened to their conversation at all, so Kate added: "Didn't you tell me he was around at your apartment quite often lately?"

"Who is in my apartment often?" was Laura's confused answer. But before Kate could even bring her up to the conversation, Laura focused and responded:

"Oh, you are talking about Captain Broyles. Well, yes, every time I come home, he is there." Laura raised her eyebrows and tried to look as reproachful as she could. Kate triumphantly sent a similar look of reproach to Maggie. The purser sighed and raised her palms in a gesture of capitulation.

"So what? Yes, we regularly spend some time together. But he is not my 'boyfriend'!"

"That depends of what exactly you two do when you spend your time together. Laura?"

Laura apparently blushed at the allegation included in her sister's question and turned to the window. Now Maggie laughed cheerfully.

"Oh, Laura, you are my roommate for more than one and a half year, I would have thought the times of blushing were over. And to you:" – Maggie turned back to Kate – "I will not go into any details, but I will tell you this: I don't let my options be limited by labels like 'acquaintance', 'friend', or 'boyfriend'."

While Maggie and Kate continued to discuss the semantics of Maggie's relationship, Laura was happy that nobody seemed to be interested in her own relationship status. Maggie had been right about her roommate, Laura had seen and heard a lot over the last months. A mere allusion to the things Maggie and Broyles did together – and Laura was perfectly aware of what they did together – was no longer enough to make her feel uncomfortable. Thinking of where she would spend the evening and who would be there with her, though…

The cab finally reached their destination, and Maggie, Kate, and Laura got out. They could see Times Square from here, and although it was relatively early, the streets were swarming with people. They entered the building and took the elevator, up to Ted's apartment. Kate and Maggie were still discussing Broyles, and they both didn't notice that Laura fell back a little when they reached Ted's apartment. Maggie knocked, and the door opened immediately.

"Welcome, my friends, I'm so glad to see the three of you. Come in!"

Amanda Vanderway cheerfully smiled at her guests, and Kate was the first to step in and greet her with two kisses on her cheeks. Then she saw Ted standing in the living room and went on to greet her former First Officer. She didn't even notice that she left Amanda somewhat surprised by this affectionate greeting.

"Don't misunderstand this! She is living in Paris for five months now, and she is already as French as my morning toast." Maggie told Amanda straight-faced, but then she brightly smiled at Amanda and reached out with her right hand. "I'm glad to see you, too. Thank you for inviting us to your home for this evening."

Maggie and Amanda shook hands, and then the senior stewardess followed Kate to join her and Ted. Now Amanda turned to Laura. The younger woman had not crossed the doorstep. When Amanda saw Laura still standing in the stairwell, she finally stepped closer and took both her hands.

"Laura, my dear friend, I'm so glad to see you here." Amanda affectionately smiled at Laura, and for a moment, both women were standing still, without moving, their both hands joined over the doorstep. Then Amanda stepped back and pulled Laura with her. When Laura made the final step into the apartment, Amanda's smile got even warmer, as if something truly meaningful had happened. Laura felt the same, and she took a deep breath.

"I really was not sure whether I should come, whether I could come… I mean, the last two times I was here, I ended up storming out of this place in tears. I don't want to ruin your party by making a scene…"

Laura put on an awkwardly insecure smile and tried to make it sound like a joke, but it wasn't. She was smiling, but she felt that she was getting close to tears already now. Exactly one year ago, she had been at what she expected to be the happiest evening of her life. She and Ted had confessed their love to each other, and they had planned to start the new year of 1964 as the first year in their shared life. But then, Ted had told her about Amanda's pregnancy, and all her dreams had fallen apart in seconds. For Laura, the year that was ending tonight had begun in tears. The next time she had been in Ted's apartment had also been the last time she had been here. They all had come together to see Teddy Junior, Ted and Amanda's son. At this afternoon, Amanda had taken Laura aside and had, for the second time, proposed to her that she could engage in an affair with Ted. This proposal, brought forward to her by the wife of the man Laura loved, while she was holding their little baby in her arms, had shocked Laura. She had rushed through this door in tears.

Laura had been sure that she could never again come to this place. And this had been even before she and Ted had admitted to their love. But when Laura and Ted had come to terms with each other, this just had complicated Laura's relationship with Amanda – and at the same time, it had it made easier. Laura was now a married man's secret mistress, and intellectually, she felt terrible and degraded with this. She was the person destroying a marriage, and it was irrelevant whether this marriage was happy or not. At least she now knew what was expected of her – to be discreet, to endure that she had to share the man she loved, to accept her guilt, and to not confront with the woman whose marriage she was disrespecting. But now Laura was here and was holding hands with Amanda. Amanda continued to smile at her and tightened the grip of her hands.

"Laura, please, I will be really happy when you enjoy the evening with us. There are only friends here tonight."

For one more second, Amanda held Laura's hands, then she closed the door behind her guest and directed her into the living room. Kate was already waiting for her.

"Amanda, I'm sorry, I've totally forgotten to give you this." She raised the big bottle of champagne she had carried in her hands since she had left Maggie and Laura's apartment earlier this evening. "Original champagne from the river Marne, personally imported to the United States."

"Catherine Cameron, are you telling me you are handing out smuggled goods as a gift?! I hope you don't expect me to become your accomplice in this crime by consuming this contraband!"

Maggie theatrically played the indignant, but Kate just threw a playfully sneering look at her.

"And there we are, back discussing the best term to describe your relationship to Broyles…"

Maggie hastily grabbed Kate's arm and pulled her out on the balcony where she started heatedly whispering at her. Amanda looked a bit confused, then she raised the bottle that was now in her hands. "I better put this on ice so that it will be cold at midnight." she said and left for the kitchen.

Now only Laura and Ted were left alone, standing in the middle of the room.

"Welcome." he whispered. "It feels good to see you… here… tonight."

Laura insecurely answered his smile.

"I feels good to see you, too. I wasn't sure whether coming her was the right thing to do, but now that I see you, it feels just alright."

Ted looked over to the two women on the balcony, who were still whispering to each other, seemingly totally focused on their conversation. Then he quickly bent down to Laura and pressed a kiss on her lips. When Laura felt his lips on her own, she could not even think of doing something different than answering her lover's kiss. For one short second, she closed her eyes and forgot that she was in Ted's apartment, that her sister and her best friend were just on the other side of a glass wall, that Ted's wife was in the kitchen and could come back at any moment. Over the last three and a half months, she and Ted had kissed many hundred times, but never here in New York. They had kissed in London, in Paris, in Rome, in Caracas, in Rio de Janeiro, and in many other places far away from the lives they both lived in New York, and now, for this short second, Laura felt like they were there, at this far places, where they lived their real lives. Then this far too short second was over and Ted's lips left her own. Laura opened her eyes and looked at her lover's face, and she saw him smile. She felt her own smile grow, too. This time, her smile was neither insecure nor shy, it was a true expression of the love she was feeling in this moment.

When Laura's view widened and she gradually became aware of her surroundings again, she flinched when she suddenly noticed Amanda standing directly next to her. Laura stumbled one step back, but Amanda gently laid her hand on Laura's left arm and stopped her from fleeing.

"It is alright, Laura." Amanda said and smiled at her, and, somehow, it worked. The moment before, Laura had been shocked, terrified, had wanted to storm out of this place, again. But now, when she saw Amanda's genuine, warm smile and felt the gentle touch of her hand, she knew that she wouldn't. She looked at Ted, who seemed to be as shocked as Laura had been. But still, it was his presence that made the difference to Laura. At her last confrontation with Amanda, she had been alone, but now, Ted was with her, in the same situation. Laura knew that it wasn't really a rational thought, but she felt that everything was going to be alright as long as Ted was at her side. Then she felt Amanda's hand quickly raising from her arm, and in the same moment, Laura saw Kate and Maggie coming through the balcony door. She shook herself up and asked her sister:

"So, have you two reached a conclusion in your dispute?"

"Well, yes, we have." Kate answered. "Let's just say I will never again mistake Broyles for Maggie's 'boyfriend'."

"Wait, what?" Ted intervened and stared at Maggie. "Captain Broyles is your boyfriend?"

"No, he is not!" Maggie insisted. "Didn't you listen to what Kate just said? She just misunderstood some rumors that reached her in Paris."

Before Ted could ask further questions about what kind of rumors Maggie was talking about, his wife changed the topic of the conversation right on cue:

"Oh Kate, how is live in Paris so far? Ted has told me about you being in Paris, but I'm afraid I still haven't understood exactly what you are doing there."

"Oh, I'm Pan Am's standby stewardess for all flights from and in Europe. Whenever a stewardess is not available for a flight, I step in and fill her place." Kate explained. "In some way, it is quite exhausting, because you'll never know when you will be needed and where you will have to go, but in another way, it is also very enjoyable. I can see all of Europe, I meet all the pilots and stewardesses of Pan Am, and in between the flights, I have a lot of free time. The only thing I really miss is having a crew, working with friends like you are."

Kate smiled, and Maggie, Laura, and Ted smiled back at her.

"And you had to complete a special training for this position? Ted told me that you have been away for half a year."

"Well…" Kate commenced, but before she could explain her six months of absence, someone knocked on the door. Amanda went to open the door for the last two guest they were expecting. Colette and Dean stepped in, and for the second time at this evening, Amanda received a cordial French greeting. When Colette saw Kate, she exclaimed:

"_Salut ma belle! Ca fait un bail déjà que nous ne nous sommes pas vus. Comment ça se passe pour toi à Paris?_"

And before Ted and Dean knew what was happening, the five women had a cheerful chat in French, while the two men, as the only persons in the room who were not fluent in French, had to stand at the sidelines and watch in amused silence.

– – – –

Four hours later, it was 1965. They all had watched the Times Square ball drop from the balcony, and now they were back in the cozy living room.

Colette and Dean stood at the window watching the skyline of New York. Seeing the couple joined in a loving embrace, it was hard to remember that only one year ago, they both had openly resolved to stay friends, but nothing more. The love they had enjoyed for only a couple of short weeks had ended. As friends they had gone to France to search for Colette's brother, and as lovers they had come back to New York. It was a new love, a different love, Colette had explained to Laura, Maggie, and Kate. It was a deep and true love that had developed during their stay in France, it was a warm radiating love that filled the whole room.

Amanda and Ted where looking out on the skyline, too, but they were certainly unlike the couple next to them. Ted stood at the window, his hands deep in his pockets, and he hadn't moved for minutes. Amanda's right hand was resting on Ted's left shoulder, but that was all the physical contact they shared.

Laura felt she could physically sense the difference in the two couple's love. Looking at Colette and Dean, her heart warmed in sympathy for her dear friends and the wonderful feeling they shared. Looking at Ted and Amanda, she felt nothing like this. In fact, she felt nothing, not even jealousy or pain seeing the man she loved with another woman. It was if she was seeing him with a good friend, a friend that would be the last person who would be a threat to her love. But she was his wife, and in this meaningful night, it was her standing close to Ted, and not Laura. Laura knew that she was in love with Ted, but she also felt that she didn't hate Amanda. That confused her.

Laura was sitting on the couch, together with her sister and Maggie. Whatever had stood between the two women at the beginning of this evening, four hours and two bottles of champagne later, it was gone and they were best friends again. They all had laughed a lot at this night, but when the two couples had fallen silent, Laura, Kate, and even Maggie had gotten quiet, too. Laura enjoyed sitting close to her sister, who she had seen for so little time this year. And she enjoyed being close to her best friend, although being her roommate, she saw Maggie quite often. Being together with Kate and Maggie was almost enough to make her feel good, even while watching Ted and Amanda.

"You were right, Kate." Maggie whispered so that only Kate and Laura could hear her. For several seconds, nobody said a word, then Maggie continued: "You were right, Kate, he is my boyfriend."

Once again, no one spoke, and Laura realized that Maggie and Kate had been watching the two loving couples and thinking about what they had, too.

"But he is in Hong Kong, and I am here, on the other side of the world. He should be here with me, or I should be there with him. But we should not be apart in this night."

Maggie looked at her glass of champagne, pondering for a moment, and then she drank the last sip from it. With a sudden movement, she jumped up from the couch.

"It is time to get drunk. Most probably, he already is." she exclaimed.

"Hong Kong is 13 hours ahead of New York. You know that, you are a stewardess." Laura interjected.

"Well, then he is probably already sober again by now. Just one more good reason to drink – and don't anyone of you question my logic!"

All of her friends were looking at Maggie now. She put her glass on the coffee table and looked at the hosting couple.

"Amanda, Ted, it has been a wonderful evening, thank you very much for your hospitality. But now I will leave you, because this night might get a little bit ugly from here on. Well, to be honest, I will be disappointed if it won't."

"I'm with you." Kate emptied her glass and joined Maggie. "It's my last night in New York before I return to France, and it has been months since the last time we had some hard drinks together. And we even have a reason to get drunk this time!"

Kate smiled at Amanda and Ted, nodding to express her gratefulness for the evening. Then she looked over to Colette and Dean.

"How about you two? One drink for the road before you go home…"

"Well, I guess I can't decline one drink with my fellow _Parisienne_."

While Colette and Dean thanked Amanda and Ted for the party, Kate turned to her younger sister. Before she could even ask, Laura shook her head.

"You know that my share of the champagne has already been enough for me. I better go home. But don't worry, just have a great night! We will see again tomorrow."

Kate and Laura both nodded in approval of her sister's plans, and then Kate followed Maggie who was already in her coat. Laura watched as the three stewardesses and her captain said goodbye to Amanda and Ted and then left the apartment. When Dean had to hurry to catch the ladies, Laura reached for her own coat at the rack.

"Laura, would you mind to stay for just a few minutes more? I'd like to talk to you in private, now that the others are gone."

Laura froze, her hand hovering over her coat in mid air. What should she do? She had felt relatively save with her sister and her other friends around her, but now, it was only Amanda, Ted, and her. She was afraid of what Amanda wanted to tell her. She was Ted's wife, and she had caught them both kissing just four hours ago. She should have left right then, but now, it was too late. Laura felt that after all she had done, not only tonight, but over the last three and a half months she and Ted had have an affair, after all that she owed Amanda this talk. She wasn't even sure whether Amanda was angry at her for what she did to their marriage, or disappointed of Ted, or whatever she felt about anyone of the two. One way or the other, this talk could only end horrible. But Laura felt obliged to let Amanda say what she had to say.

Laura nodded in voiceless compliance and followed Amanda back into the living room. She sat down on the couch she had been sitting on before, and Amanda settled on the other sofa opposite to her. Ted was still standing at the window, as if he hadn't moved since Maggie's departure. He stared out at the city, his hands no longer in his pockets, but folded behind his back.

"Laura, do you remember that day shortly before I learnt of my pregnancy, when I came to you to talk about the wedding?" Amanda waited for Laura to nod in acknowledgment. "I begged you to persuade Ted to marry me, and I specifically asked you to engage in an affair with him."

Laura had to swallow hard when she was remembered at this day.

"At first, I have to apologize for what I did to you on this day. I was so selfish, I only wanted to save my engagement to Ted, and I asked you for something that I myself found an embarrassing thought. And you had every right to decline my selfish proposal." Amanda continued. "You told me that you wanted to marry the man you love, to become his wife, and to start a family with him. That you wanted exactly what I now have with Ted. Laura, all that I can't give you."

All the time, Amanda had been smiling at Laura, but now she took a deep breath, and Laura realized that Amanda was not as calm as it had seemed. Amanda leaned forward and, after a short look over to Ted, went on:

"Laura, I can tell you and Ted that I truly and deeply love Ted. I love being with him, I love our son, the family we have, and I love Ted for being the best friend I will ever have. I love being his wife, and I will love him as my husband, forever. But still, I can't love him as a lover." Now it was Amanda who had to swallow hard. "I don't know what Ted, or Maggie have told you about me. I'm not able to give Ted more love than this. But you are, and you do. I know that Ted loves you, and you love Ted in a way I do not. You can give to my husband, what I can't give him."

Her eyes turned back to Ted again, and this time, Amanda's view rested on her husband for a longer moment. When she turned back to Laura, her face showed a strange expression that Laura could not read. With great surprise, Laura realized that at least one of Amanda's mixed feelings was happiness.

"Laura, when you and Ted kissed earlier, you were shocked that I saw you. But I know about you two for a long time." Shocked about what she heard, Laura's head spun around to Ted, and for the first time in this conversation, he spun around, too, and looked at the two women. He seemed to be not as shocked as Laura was, but it was obvious that he was just as surprised as she was. "I even knew from the very beginning. I could tell because Ted was perfectly happy. Ted is always very happy when he sees his son, because he loves him. I remember how happy Ted was when he proposed to me, and when I said 'yes,' because at this time, he loved me – or at least thought he'd love me. But I have never seen him as happy as he was three months ago, when he returned from this flight to Tehran."

Tehran! In an involuntary movement, Laura's hand jerked up to cover her mouth that had opened in shock. Tehran! She and Ted had spent their first night together there. In this night, it all had felt so good, so natural, and it had felt good all the time after Tehran. It felt good for more than three months now, and it still felt good, strangely enough even now.

Amanda smiled when she learned from Laura's reaction that she had been perfectly right. But it was not a self-pleased smile of bravado over being right, not a taunting smile of triumph over a rival, it was a genuinely warm smile of reassurance. Now Amanda stood up and stepped over to the other couch. For a short moment, she hesitated to sit down, but then she did – in respectful distance to Laura, at the other end of the large sofa. She smiled, and then turned to her husband.

"Ted, please, come over here." she said calmly. Ted hesitated, then he slowly stepped closer. He evaded getting close to his wife, and instead chose to skirt the coffee table on Laura's side. When he stood directly next to her, Amanda pointed at the couch, and Ted sat down. He sat close to Laura, again choosing her over his wife on the other side of the couch. Laura didn't avert her eyes from Amanda when she reached for his hand, and he took it. Holding hands, they waited for what Amanda had to say next.

"Laura, I know you only little longer than one year, and in this year, we haven't spent much time together. But Ted loves you, and because of this I know that you are a good person. I am glad to consider you my friend. You are not only my friend, you are also making my husband a happy man. For this, I owe you more than I could ever give to you. As I said, I can't give you what you wish the most. But because you are my friend, because you are such a good person, and because you are the most important person in my husband's life, I will try to give you as much in return as I can. I don't want you to feel bad about being a married man's mistress."

"Isn't that exactly what you proposed?"

Laura was surprised by her own courage to speak in this situation. Her hand pressed Ted's harder. Her heart beat faster. Amanda looked at her with warm eyes. Then she bent forward towards Laura. She reach out for Laura's hand, the hand which was holding Ted's hand, and then their three hands met. Amanda's face was very close to Laura's now, and she could feel not only the touch of her hand, but also the deep breath she took and exhaled before explaining:

"You two were hiding your love from me, and all the time you were hiding, you didn't need to. I don't think I can empathize with you about this specific situation. But I know how it is to hide one's true self from the world. I'm hiding for my whole life!"

It was the first time in this whole conversation that Laura saw pain in Amanda's face. But then Amanda looked in Laura's eyes, and in Ted's eyes, too, and her face lost the pain and grew warm again. Suddenly, Laura realized that she was not hurting Amanda by what she was doing, but that she, in some way, comforted her.

"I imagine you felt that you can only be yourself when you're away, in places like Tehran. But you should be allowed to be yourself at all times, and especially when you are at home! So I invite you to feel at home not only in New York, not only in your place, but here, with Ted, and with me."

Amanda's hand tightened around Laura and Ted's hands, and the grip stayed strong for the next few seconds Amanda was talking.

"Laura, I don't want you to be just Ted's mistress, standing beside the marriage we have. I want you to be part of what we have." At this point, Amanda paused and slightly shook her head. She averted her saddened eyes from Laura and look at Ted. "No, that is not what I want. I feel, that without you, Laura, there is no 'us' Ted and I could share with you. We have a child, and this is a wonderful feeling. However, we don't have a marriage." Now her eyes met Laura's again. "But with you, we three could complete an 'us'. What I ask you for, Laura, is to – please! – make this marriage perfect. Make Ted happy, as happy as he was for the last three months. By making him happy, you will make me happy, too. We will finally have a happy marriage, and I ask you, Laura, to be part of it."

– – – –

_Do you want to know how Kate experienced the last night of 1964? Find out by reading the fifth chapter of Kate's story: "__We'll Always Have Beirut_"! (chapter URL: /s/9344458/5)


	3. Babysitting

_Pan Am – "More Love Than Two Can Handle"_

**Babysitting**

_v1.0.1 (June 25, 2013)_

"And then Carl said this: With the three new Clippers coming in in June, and Captain Daniels going on pension at the end of May, they'll need at least four or maybe even five new captains to cover all their flights. Two of them may come from outside Pan Am, but the rest will be recruited from our own first officers, and they will pick them who have spent the most hours in the air. I know for sure that of all the first officers, only Jefferson and Blight have more hours in their books than I have. And here comes the best thing: Jeff Davidson's wife is ill, so she has to spend four weeks in Saratoga Springs for treatment, and Davidson will accompany her. Davidson sits on Dick Crampton's right seat, who happens to be a friend from Navy days. I talked to both of them, and I checked the schedules, and then we all talked to the base manager, and the outcome is: I will fill in for Davidson and take over half of his flights in May, in addition to my regular flights with Dean. So, when it will be time to decide who becomes captain in June, I will have more hours than Blight and nearly as much as Jefferson."

Ted grinned like a Cheshire cat when he finished his story and looked at his listeners, waiting for their reaction.

"Oh darling, that is fantastic! I'm so happy for you! Your biggest dream will finally come true." Amanda was all smiles when she heard about her husband's great prospect, and she reached across the table to hold his hand in affection.

Laura was so happy, she couldn't even say a word. She folded her hands in happy excitement, her mouth stood open in joy, and her eyes were wide open. Then she bent over and pressed a warm kiss on Ted's cheek, and when he turned his head, their lips met and they shared a long and passionate kiss. With sincere sympathy Amanda watched them kiss, still holding Ted's hand.

It was the first warm day in April, and Laura, Amanda, and Ted were sitting on the apartment's balcony, enjoying the warm sun. From time to time, Amanda turned towards the crib that was standing near the door in the living room. She had fed Teddy Junior before they sat down for coffee, and now he was having his afternoon nap. He was eight months old now and at the sweet spot of his sleeping habits – he was still sleeping a lot, and he was crying less than when he had been younger. Laura enjoyed to watch Ted and Amanda with the baby. They both loved their son, and Laura understood what Amanda had meant when she told her about how happy Ted was whenever he was with his son. Back then, Amanda had cited this as a contrast to other times, times when Ted had been unhappy in his marriage. But this times had become seldom in the past three months. Laura was still surprised how right Ted's wife had been about what she could add to their relationship. She was with Ted, and that made him happy. When Ted was happy, Amanda was happy, too. In this mood, they both really enjoyed being together and sharing their lives. And being part of this made Laura happy, she admitted to herself.

For Laura, this had not come naturally. At the first day of the year 1965, when Amanda had laid out her thoughts about the three of them, Laura had not embraced what she was proposing. After all, she had thought, she would still be a married man's mistress. But then, she had been exactly that for over three months and it had felt better than she would have ever expected. Laura had left Ted and Amanda that day without saying anything, but the next day, she had come back and they had have dinner together. Sitting at one table, together with her lover and his wife, had not been easy at first. By now, Laura couldn't think of a better way to spend her time than sharing it with Ted and Amanda. She enjoyed that she was together with Ted, the man she was in love with, and she enjoyed being with Amanda, who had become a good friend. She felt that she was now part of something that was bigger than the love Ted and she had, and she had realized that this made her very happy. It was exactly as Amanda had predicted.

And now, things were getting even better. With Ted becoming a captain, the last thing that had bothered him – that he was still only wearing three stripes –, would finally be overcome. She was really happy for him. But then, an unpleasant thought crossed her mind.

"But Ted," she began with sobered voice, "when you become a captain, you will captain of your own crew…"

"Yes, I will!" Ted confirmed happily. "I will be captain, and I will have a first officer sitting at my right hand…"

"Exactly, and you will have your own crew of stewardesses. But I will still be in Dean's crew, and then we will no longer be able to work together, to travel together."

Laura had become serious now, and Amanda became, too, when she understood what Laura was afraid of. Ted, on the contrary, didn't seem to be bothered by this at all.

"Laura, why should you have to stay in Dean's crew? You will transfer to my crew, and nothing will change."

"How can you be so sure that I will be transferred to your crew?" Laura asked. Ted just smiled at her.

"You are working for Pan Am for two years now, Laura. By now, you must know that, while there is no official way a captain can pick his stewardesses, unofficially everybody does it. And not only the captains pick their crew, just remember how you ended up in your sister's crew! And even if this alone might be no guarantee, we have friends with influence. We can talk to Maggie, so that she asks Broyles to help us. There is nothing Broyles can't get done at Pan Am headquarters. And you can ask Kate to help us. After all, she must have some contacts of her own, or how else did she get this position in Paris?"

"I don't know, she has never told me about this." Laura answered Ted's rhetorical question. She calmed down. "You are probably right, we can arrange the transfer. But what will the others think about this? Won't they get suspicious about us?"

"Why should they?" Amanda weighed in. "You are just good friends, and in his first crew, it is only natural for Ted to wish for having at least one familiar person with him." Amanda laughed in jolly amusement. "Only because you are a couple in love, that doesn't mean that everybody can see it written all over your faces, at least not if you are a little bit discreet."

In this regard, Laura and Ted had done a pretty good job over the last six or seven months. Sure, Amanda had know about their affair from the first day on. But even Laura's sister Kate, her roommate Maggie, and Colette, who not only all knew Laura better than her own mother, but who also all knew about what had happened at New Year's Eve of 1964, didn't suspect anything. And Ted's best friend Dean was even more unsuspecting. He knew that Ted was not in the loving marriage he had wished for. And so, acting as he thought a best friend should do, Dean had repeatedly introduced Ted to women that wouldn't say 'no' to having an affair with a pilot. In a strange way, Amanda even was amused by the reports Ted gave about his friend's efforts, although Laura felt far less at ease with this particular consequence of their perfect camouflage. But if this was the price she had to pay, Laura was perfectly fine with it as long as she was together with Ted. After all her worries had been cleared by Amanda and Ted, Laura leaned over to Ted again and shared another long and deep kiss with him.

"Well," Amanda suddenly said, "I have used up the last coffee when I made this. I better go and get some new, so that we'll have some for tomorrow. And then, I also need some ingredients for dinner. I'm sorry, I know this shouldn't happen to a good housewife, but I just forgot to buy everything I need." Amanda apologetically smiled at Laura and Ted and then stood up. "Would you be so kind as to watch for Teddy Junior while I'm away? I'm afraid it might take a little bit longer, it's rush hour by now…"

Amanda was already in her coat when she finished her last sentence, and only seconds later the apartment door closed behind her. Without checking, Laura knew that Amanda's keys were still lying on the small cabinet next to the door, where Amanda had 'accidentally' left them. When returning, she would have to knock and wait for Ted to open the door.

After the last three months, this was the last thing left Laura was uncomfortable with when spending time with both Ted and Amanda together. At her first visits, Laura had restrained herself from any inappropriate display of affection towards Ted. She and Ted had played exactly the same roles they played in front of their crew and friends, and any other person in public: the roles of good friends. For Laura, just being with Ted had been more than enough to make her feel happy.

But Amanda had seemed to be not satisfied by this arrangement. For several times she had expressed her wish for honesty in their friendship to Laura and had repeated her invitation to stop hiding her true self. Amanda had never gone so far as to ask them to kiss in front of her, but over time, Laura had understood that Amanda felt lied to when she and Ted acted to her the same way they acted to strangers in public. When she had kissed Ted for the first time in Amanda's presence – or rather, for the first time after New Year's Eve –, Laura had watched Amanda's reaction closely. She had seen joy on her face, and since then, Laura and Ted no longer hid their love from Amanda.

And then, Amanda had started to regularly leave the two of them alone under pretext. At the first time this had happened, Laura had taken it as the moment to leave, as a guest would leave when her host happened to have an appointment. But Amanda had emphatically asked her to stay with Ted. When Laura had finally grasped her intention, she had been so embarrassed that she had left anyway. In the last eight weeks, Amanda had left Laura and Ted alone many times, and Laura had stayed with Ted.

Ted for his part didn't seem bothered at all. He intensified his kiss and placed his right hand on Laura's cheek. One moment later, his left hand rested on Laura's thigh. As she had experience many times before, Laura felt the tender comfort that was powerful enough to make all the worries vanish. And after all, they had reason to celebrate. They enjoyed the moment for some more seconds, and then Ted stood up and went over to Teddy Junior's crib. Carefully, to not wake up his son, he pushed it out of the living room into the baby's bedroom.

Laura had gotten used to Amanda leaving for this specific purpose and enjoyed what would be happening now, but there was one thing she was very strict about: she would not enter Ted and Amanda's bedroom, and she would not disrespect their marital bed. Ted had revealed to Laura that, in fact, he and Amanda used their bed for nothing more than sleeping, but Laura had her principles. In consequence of this, Laura laid down on the larger of the two sofas in the living room while Ted was still in his son's room.

When he came back, Laura smiled at him invitingly, and he returned her look and joined her on the couch. Laura had not yet taken off any of her clothes, on purpose so, because she knew how much Ted enjoyed unbuttoning her blouse. At the same time, she also enjoyed the feeling of his hands on her body as he now worked his way down from her collar to her waistline. He was much faster when it came to removing his own shirt, and Laura took advantage of the time to open her bra. As always when she was off duty, Laura didn't wear the girdle that was part of her Pan Am uniform, so with the bra out of the way, Ted was now perfectly able to do the rest of the undressing.

In Tehran, when they had spent their first night together, Ted had been very gentle and tender with Laura, exactly as she had expected him to be. She had lost her virginity some time before, but Ted was nevertheless only the second man she had ever had slept with. She had felt insecure, and maybe even Ted had felt so, after all the troublesome months before this night. So he had been cautious, and Laura had thanked him for this.

But then, after they had both gained experience with each other, Ted had cautiously tested how Laura reacted when he was no longer holding himself back. He had gripped her harder, had moved faster, had increased the force in his movements. And Laura had discovered what sex was really like, and she enjoyed it. She liked his hands squeezing her breasts, his firm grip on her buttocks, and the powerful thrusts he sent through her body's center.

With the sleeping baby in mind, she suppressed the lustful moaning that was growing in her chest. While her right hand was grabbing for the back of the sofa, her left hand grabbed Ted at every part of his body she could reach. Laura bit on her tongue to stop herself from screaming out loud. But then she reached the point at which she could no longer control herself. A sharp scream escaped her throat. She quickly bit in Ted's shoulder, muting herself during the most intense sensation. When her body relaxed again after the experience, she sunk back on the couch, and Ted followed her.

Laura expected to hear the baby cry in answer to her scream, but the apartment was quiet, including her and Ted. Sharing a long kiss, they both were slowly recovering in silence, and for some minutes, they just laid on the couch, feeling the heat radiating from their nude bodies and enjoying the closeness of the person they each loved.

"I'm sorry for the bite, I was overwhelmed by the moment. I hope Amanda won't see the marks, that would be so embarrassing."

"Don't worry, she won't see them. We don't see each other naked." Ted assured Laura.

Laura looked over to the clock. She had left one hour ago. Laura had always made sure to leave before Ted's wife returned, but Amanda usually used to be away for about two hours, so Laura had enough time to dress and leave before she came back.

"Ted, what do you think, how is Amanda spending her time when she is away like this?"

"Well, she is probably shopping for groceries, as she said."

Obviously, Ted had never spent much time on thinking about this, and Laura thumped him in his ribs.

"Don't be so insensitive!" Laura scolded him. "I feel bad when I think about her, alone and lonely, wandering through the city just to kill time until we are done, all the time thinking about what we are doing."

Ted sighed softly at his lovers dark thoughts just now. He caressed her arm, her neck, and her cheek, thinking about what to answer to this.

"Maybe she is seeing someone." he then speculated.

"What do you mean, she is maybe seeing someone? Someone like a friend, or someone like another man?"

Laura straightened up on the sofa and looked at Ted in surprise. It had never occurred to her that Amanda could maybe have someone in her life other than Ted.

"Neither." Ted answered monosyllabically. "I've told you about her and about the talk we had when we were planning our wedding."

Laura remembered when Ted had explained to her what it was that made it impossible for Amanda to love him, and what Maggie had told her about that. Amanda herself had hinted at this issue one or two times, when she talked to Laura about the pain of hiding one's true self.

"So, you mean she is having a girlfriend? That there is a woman she loves and meets with when we are together?"

"And when we are away on a flight, yes, I think so." Ted nodded and then stood up to get his pants that were lying on the floor. "You know, sometimes, I even hope so for her. It has taken some time for me to realize it, but our marriage hasn't been better for her than it has been for me. Now, the last three months have been happier times, but more so for me than for her."

Ted turned back to Laura, who was still sitting on the couch, covering her chest with her arm, more in absence of mind than in shame. He stepped closer and knelt in front of her, and then he tenderly reached for her hand that was resting on her shoulder. He brought it to his mouth and kissed its back.

"Amanda and I, we have been friends, and we have become friends again, even better friends than we had been before our marriage. But having a good friend is not enough to be perfectly happy. That is why I am so glad that I have you, my love."

– – – –

"So, we set out for our girls' night in Paris, and Colette and Kate were arguing over which club they wanted to go to, and Maggie, Sue, and I, we were just following them like newly-hatched chicks following their mother hen. And then, when we finally arrived at the club, we suddenly noticed that Sue was missing! I tell you, Maggie was panicking! She retraced our steps, and all the time she was running and looking out for her, and she was constantly telling us that Sue would be fine, that she probably just was at the hotel. Maggie was constantly telling us to not worry, but she was the worst of us!"

Laura laughed and then paused for a moment.

"Honestly, in this moment I was worried, too, but more so because Maggie was panicking, and I couldn't remember when I had ever seen her in panic like this. And then, we were standing in front of this little brasserie, and there she was. Sue was sitting at a table, and across her sat this really handsome French man, and they were chatting over a glass of wine."

Laura laughed again, this time even harder, when she remembered the situation.

"Maggie rushed in there like a furious mother that had caught her young daughter with her first boyfriend. Poor Sue, that must have been so embarrassing, especially in front of this really nice looking French guy. He even tried to calm Maggie down, but she just got angry at him and shouted at both of them, mixing up English and French words and generally making a unbelievable scene. Colette and my sister and I were laughing so hard, we had to sit down. In the end, we stayed at this brasserie for the rest of the night. Maggie kept being angry for like an hour, but after our third bottle of wine, she was really sorry and even pledged to get Sue another man for the night to make good for it."

"Did she?" Amanda asked laughingly.

"No, she was too drunk to even stand up, let alone find a man. And I can tell you, when Maggie is too drunk to find a man, that means she really is drunk. Kate and I had to support her all the way back to our hotel, and Colette was taking care of Sue, because she was exactly as drunk as Maggie."

Laura and Amanda laughed at the end of Laura's story, and Teddy Junior joined them with a chuckling laughter of his own. He was sitting on Amanda's lap and enjoyed the bright mood his mother and his 'aunt' were in. His face got covered with smile wrinkles, and his cute, gurgleling laughter warmed Laura's heart.

Ted was on another of his additional flights, his sixth. He had only slept for a few hours after their return from Paris and then had gone right on to South America. During the whole month of May, Ted had been in New York for not more than five days. After the last eight months in which Laura and Ted had spent so much time together, this May was a new experience to Laura. But then, she and Ted were very lucky that they were able to spend so much time together, both at work and in private. And Laura was lucky in another respect, too: in Amanda she had found a good friend, and even with Ted out of town, they both met every day.

It was kind of ironic that Laura had to hide her friendship with Amanda from her friends at least as well as her affair with Ted. They all knew that Laura and Ted had been in love, and they had all witnessed the hard time they had had in the first half of 1964. Now, Laura and Ted had told their friends that they had gotten over their past and were friends again. They both acted their roles, and their friends believed this charade and were happy for them.

But it would have been far more challenging to convince them that Laura and Amanda, all of a sudden, had become friends. Especially Maggie, Laura's roommate and best friend, knew how much Laura had suffered and how much it had hurt her to see Ted with Amanda. No one had forgotten the afternoon when Laura had broken down into tears after having a talk with Amanda. Even if they were believing that Laura had no longer feelings for Ted – and they all were –, it was still a non-sequitur to automatically assume that she was over her problems with Amanda, too. Furthermore, Maggie and Colette could put themselves in Amanda's place, and from her perspective, Laura was a rival for Ted's heart. Why should Amanda befriend her?

For Maggie and Colette, it would have been impossible to understand what Laura and Amanda's relationship really was like. Even for Laura it wasn't easy to understand this, let alone explain it to her friends. There had been times when Laura had seen Amanda as her rival, and vice versa, although Amanda's feelings had probably been motivated by different aims than Laura's had been. Later, Laura had been on a roller coaster of feelings: she had hated Amanda for taking away Ted from her, she had envied her for having what she dreamt of, she had despised her for her embarrassing suggestion to become Ted's mistress, but she had also felt guilty for disrespecting her marriage and for deceiving her about her own feelings for Ted.

All those feelings had long gone. Amanda was Laura's friend now, a good friend, and maybe even her best friend. Kate was far away in Paris, and although Laura had the opportunities to see her sister relatively often, it happened not as often as Laura wished for. Maggie was Laura's roommate and they spent a lot of time together, but then, they both had very different personalities. And after all, Laura couldn't be truly honest with both of them, not about her relationship to Ted. The only person she wasn't hiding her love for Ted from was Amanda.

"Can I ask you a favor?" Amanda asked. She had checked her watch just a second ago. "I have an appointment, and I can't take Teddy Junior with me. Could you please babysit for only two hours?"

"Of course I will." Laura answered. She turned towards Teddy Junior: "We two will have a good time together, won't we?"

Amanda put the baby on Laura's lap and raised from the couch.

"You are doing me a really big favor." she said when she was taking her coat from the stand in the hall. "I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you very much."

Already in her coat, she came back into the living room to kiss her son goodbye, thankfully smiled at Laura, and then Amanda left the apartment. Laura turned toward Teddy Junior and started to play with him as Amanda had done. She enjoyed every second of the heartwarming time she spent with the baby and didn't at all take it as a burden.

But the situation also made her think about what was going on. It was the second time she was babysitting for Amanda in this month. They both had met for five times in Ted's absence, and for the second time, Amanda had left her alone with Teddy Junior. To Laura, it kind of felt like when Amanda was leaving Ted and her alone, but what did this mean? Was Amanda doing the same thing here? Was it her intention to give Laura more time with Teddy Junior, so that she could develop a better relationship with him? This didn't make any sense.

But if Amanda wasn't doing it for Laura's benefit, what for was she doing it? Maybe Ted had been right, maybe Amanda was seeing someone. It would make sense that she couldn't take Teddy Junior with her in this case, and it would also make sense that she wouldn't give up her regular rendezvous just because Ted was away doing extra work. If this was true, then all the time Amanda hadn't been using pretext to excuse herself leaving Ted and Laura alone, but on the contrary, Ted and Laura's love life had delivered her excuse and pretext for seeing her girlfriend.

'Her girlfriend.' Laura had to repeat this phrase in her mind for several times before she could comfortably use it in relation to Amanda. Laura had never before been directly confronted with a… woman who loved women. She could, however, imagine what her mother had to say about this 'abomination.' Back at the time when Laura had been angry at Amanda for stealing Ted, Maggie had told her about the kiss she had shared with Amanda, and Laura had thankfully incorporated this knowledge into her strong negative feelings for Amanda. Maggie and Colette had never been uneasy with Amanda and generally seemed to not bother at all, but Laura had been of a very negative opinion about Amanda, and in extent about her kind. Today, Laura felt ashamed for the what she had been thinking at this time. It reminded her of how she had wronged Joe because of the color of his skin. Laura knew Amanda was a good person, and loving women didn't make her a bad person. And love for itself could never be a bad thing, no matter who was in love with whom. Everyone who had ever felt love should understand this, and as a woman deeply in love with a married man, Laura could understand this probably even better.

But coming to terms with the fact that Amanda loved women didn't mean that Laura had come to terms with the thought of Amanda actually having a girlfriend. Intellectually, she could comprehend that Amanda loved Ted, but was not in love with him like Laura was in love with Ted. But still, Laura had gotten so used to think of the ensemble of Ted, Amanda, and herself as something that was complete and perfect, that she couldn't understand the thought that Amanda needed someone else to feel completed. There was another, different dimension in Laura's thoughts about this. After all of Amanda's pleas for honesty in their intimate group of three, after all those speeches she had given them about not hiding one's true self from the people that loved one, why was she not honest with Ted and Laura?

Laura tried to imagine what Amanda was doing right now. Maybe she was sitting in a coffee shop, enjoying some coffee and cake with her girlfriend. Or were they in a more private place, maybe in her girlfriend's apartment? Was Amanda kissing this other woman right now? Laura wasn't able to imagine what else Amanda and the other woman could be doing with each other, just thinking of them kissing exhausted her fantasy. But she understood that kissing was in the realm of possibility, because she knew that Amanda had kissed Maggie.

The other woman was probably very much like Maggie. A beautiful woman, who was spontaneous, open-minded and self confident, who was never afraid of doing what her heart told her to do, and who was very experienced in life and love. All that were traits Laura had always admired in Maggie. All that were traits Laura was lacking in. Laura was sure that Amanda had fallen in love with a woman who was like this, like Maggie – a woman who was nothing like Laura herself.

When Laura had reached this point of her thoughts, she realized that the strange feeling that was bothering her all the time was jealousy. She was even thinking of Amanda's girlfriend as 'the other woman'! But this couldn't be!

Laura tried to explore her feelings. She was thinking of Amanda as a good friend, and now her friend was in love with a different person. Colette was Laura's friend, and she was in love with Dean. But Laura didn't feel any jealousy when she thought of Colette and Dean. On the contrary, she was happy for her friend.

Maybe this wasn't about love, maybe this was all about friendship. Laura reminded herself of the first flight with Mary, the first young stewardess who had joined their crew after Kate had left at exactly the same time Colette had gone to France. At this night in Rome, Maggie had spent the whole evening with Mary, showing her the clubs, teaching her how to get free drinks, and giving her advice about Italian men. It had been the first night at which Maggie hadn't paid much attention to Laura, but had been solely focused on Mary. Laura undeniably had felt jealous. But she had felt much different than she was feeling now.

Laura involuntarily remembered the first time she had met Amanda. Ted had asked her to pose as his girlfriend. In retrospect, Laura knew that she had already been in love with Ted, but she hadn't admitted it to herself, yet. This charade Ted had asked her for had brought up a lot of confusing feelings for Laura, especially because she could tell by the effort Ted was making that he was probably having stronger feelings for Amanda than he was admitting to himself. But then there had been no opportunity for Laura to pose as his girlfriend in front of Amanda, because she and Ted had left earlier than planned. And when Maggie had caused the evacuation of the whole hotel, Laura had seen Ted coming out of his room with this stunningly beautiful woman she could easily identify as Amanda. In this short second, she had felt a very strong feeling, and it had been the same feeling she was having now.


	4. Unexpected Developments

_Pan Am – "More Love Than Two Can Handle"_

**Unexpected Developments**

_v1.0.2 (June 25, 2013)_

Amanda opened the door, and before she even had the opportunity to welcome her guest, Laura rushed into the apartment in full glory of her Pan Am uniform and blurted out:

"Ted is going to join the Navy again, he is going to Vietnam and fight in the war."

"No, that won't happen, he is married and has a child, so they won't draft him." Amanda was confused about Laura's claim, but then she seemed to notice how upset she looked. "He is what they call a 'Kennedy Husband', they won't draft him!" she tried to reassure her friend, still without knowing the reasons for Laura's unexpected concerns.

Laura saw Amanda's untroubled smile, and at the same moment, she felt tears starting to run down her cheeks. All the way from the airport, she had been successful in suppressing them, but now, she couldn't hold them back any longer.

"I don't talk about conscription, he wants to volunteer!" she exclaimed. "He wants to rejoin the Navy and become an officer again, of his own accord."

Amanda peeked around the corner into the living room and said in a low voice:

"Shush! Teddy has been grumpy all day, don't wake him from his nap!"

With a swift movement Amanda ushered Laura into the master bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her. Laura was still in her full uniform, and now she took off the hat and jacket. She also pulled a handkerchief from her uniform jacket's pocket and dried her tears. Amanda's care for the baby gave her a second to calm herself down, and she took a deep breath before she looked a Amanda again. Her face showed concern now, but she was waiting for Laura to explain what she was talking about.

"So, after what happened on Friday…" Laura began, but Amanda interrupted her: "What happened on Friday?"

"Didn't Ted tell you?" Laura was surprised. "I thought he called you from London…"

"No, he didn't." Amanda's concerns were growing now. She stepped closer to Laura and placed her hand on her arm. When Laura realized that Ted had concealed the news from his wife, she sighed and sat down on the bed. Amanda settled next to her, and listened to Laura when she started to explain:

"Before we started for our London/Cairo flight on Friday, Ted and Dean were doing the preflight paperwork when Maggie and Captain Broyles joined us. Ted hinted something about this being his last flight as first officer, because Friday was the day at which the decision was due, and then Broyles said that he shouldn't count the chicken before they hatch. Apparently, Broyles had just talked to the promotion board president, and they had chosen to promote Jefferson and Blight and a third pilot, I think his name is Ford. He had just gotten engaged to the daughter of one of the vice presidents."

"So, Ted won't be promoted this time?" Amanda asked. Laura could see her face clouding. Ted had been so certain that he would become a captain on this day, and Amanda and Laura had been so happy for him. Now Laura felt Amanda's sympathy for her husband stirring her, the same thing that had happened to her three days ago.

"I'm sorry that you have to learn this from me, I thought you already knew from his call."

"He didn't call at all." Amanda's voice was low and spiritless. "I imagine he hasn't taken it well…"

"No, he hasn't." Laura confirmed. "You know how he is. He smiled at Broyles and said something like 'Better luck next time', but he hasn't taken it well. He was depressed all the time since then. We all tried to cheer him up, but he gave us no chance. He refused to talk to us at our first night in London. When we were in Cairo at the next day, Ted and Dean got drunk badly, and I hoped this would help him in some way. But when we returned to London last night, he even started a fight with Dean, because he got promoted so early. If Colette and I hadn't intervened, it would have gotten physical."

Laura could tell that Amanda was worried and troubled by what she was telling her. They both knew Ted as a very kind and gentle man. Laura had been genuinely shocked when she had witnessed Ted attacking Dean, shocked by this side of his character she had never seen before.

"You make me worry for Ted. Where is he?" Amanda inquired. "I expected him to come home way earlier than you, and now you are here, and he is not."

"Ted and Dean made up on the flight from London. Dean understands what Ted is feeling, so he accepted his apology." Laura explained. "They set off for some drinks right after our arrival, and they are probably going to get drunk again. Don't worry for Ted, Colette is with them to take care so that they won't start another fight. I came directly here when I overheard Ted and Dean talking at the airport."

"Is it this what upset you so much?" Amanda asked, and Laura slowly nodded in confirmation.

"The last thing I heard Ted say when he left with Dean was that he would leave Pan Am and rejoin the Navy. He told Dean that he longer believed in ever becoming a captain at Pan Am, but in the Navy, he would be commissioned at lieutenant rank and finally get his own plane. He even said that, if the Navy won't take him back, he would join the Air Force instead, so that he could become commanding officer of a bomber."

"He may have been just saying this in the heat of the moment." Amanda speculated. "Ted is angry now, he is disappointed, I can understand this. Just give him some days to calm down and rethink the situation, and he will forget those plans."

"I don't think so." Laura expressed her worries. "Ted was absolutely certain that he would become a captain this time, but this isn't just a disappointment about this one set-back. Ted is really frustrated with his career at Pan Am, you know as good as I know. And you also know how patriotic he can be. We both have heard him talk about Vietnam. Just remember when this thing in the Gulf of Tonkin happened last summer! If Teddy Junior hadn't been born just some weeks later, Ted would have volunteered right then!"

Laura shook her head emphatically.

"No, this isn't just some crazy idea." she insisted. "Ted really means it. And I suspect he also thinks he has to do this to prove something."

Laura was now touching on a subject which she would have avoided under all circumstances, if she hadn't felt it was important to let Amanda know everything concerning this crisis her husband was in. And she felt guilty. After Laura had managed to keep calm and unhysterical after the first short emotional breakdown, she now was tearing up again.

"I told you that we all tried to cheer Ted up and to comfort him. We all tried to make him feel better, and so did I, but in a different way than Dean and Colette and Maggie. Do you understand what I mean by that?"

Laura felt herself blushing in embarrassment while she was crying at the same time. Tears ran down across her heated cheeks. Amanda gently took the handkerchief from Laura's hand and dried her tears, but new tears were constantly following.

"I wanted to make him feel as good as we both always feel when we… are together as man and woman." was the most freely Laura could talk to Amanda about this issue, but she knew that she had to go into further details, and her cheeks glowed redder and her tears ran faster. "But it didn't work out as planned. We tried in London, and we tried again in Cairo. When we were back in London, Ted didn't even come to my room. I sneaked into his room and tried to make him feel better, but I wasn't successful. I wasn't able to spend Ted the comfort he needed in this situation. Now I fear that he thinks he has to prove his virility by becoming a soldier and going into war."

If Laura had been able to maintain some last emotional control, it now collapsed and she broke down and let her tears flow freely.

"It is all my fault, because I was not able to make him feel better. We three have an arrangement, an agreement on what each one of us contributes to our shared lives. In this arrangement, it is my task to make Ted happy. The only thing Ted and you demand from me is to make Ted's life be good, no matter what happens. I failed in this, I failed when he needed me most. It is my fault that Ted feels bad and that he is going to destroy what the four of us – he, you, Teddy Junior, and I – have. I failed Ted, and I failed you."

Laura was no longer able to speak. Her eyes were filled with tears, and her throat felt too tight to press any words through it. She felt responsible for Ted's happiness, and also for Amanda's happiness, because that was exactly what Amanda had asked Laura for when she had proposed this arrangement. For more than five months, Laura had fulfilled her obligations, and she had been richly rewarded by Ted with his love and by Amanda with her friendship. It had been the happiest time of Laura's life. But now, all this was falling to pieces, and to Laura, it was clear that she was the one of the three of them who had caused this. Ted's rejection had been the best proof to her.

Laura could physically feel the burden of this guilt, and she collapsed into Amanda's arms. She realized that her tears were dripping down from her face on Amanda's blouse, and in this she felt even more guilty. She was in need for solace, and she so longed for her best friend to comfort her. But how could she ask the very woman who she had hurt so bad for comfort? Laura tried to regain control over her emotions, or at least over her body. She wanted to straighten up, tried to lift her face from Amanda's shoulder. But when she tried to sit up, she felt Amanda's arm on her back, holding her down in close embrace. Amanda was petting Laura's back with one hand, and with her other hand, she was still trying to dry Laura's tears. At some point, she dropped the soaked handkerchief and simply placed her bare hand on Laura's heated, wet cheek.

"Don't tell yourself it's your fault." Amanda whispered into Laura's ear. "You have failed no one."

"But I have failed to make Ted feel good, in the most essential way a woman can fail. Maybe I don't love him enough. Maybe I'm just not pretty enough."

Laura had sobbed her words on Amanda's shoulder, no longer trying to raise from her friend's arms but burying her face into her neck. But now, Amanda grabbed her chin. With gentle force she lifted Laura's face from her shoulder and hold it up, in not more than two or three inches distance from her own face. She looked into Laura's eyes and softly, but with great determination repeated:

"Don't tell yourself it's your fault. It is not your fault that Ted hasn't been promoted. It is not your fault that Ted's feelings and his self-esteem are so overly dependent from his career. It is not your fault that Ted is depressed when things in his life don't work out as he wished. And most importantly, it is not your fault that he is not able to be the man he is used to be. You are a beautiful woman, Laura, and don't ever tell yourself otherwise."

Amanda looked deep into Laura's eyes, and Laura could see her friend's determination in her eyes. Her tears finally stopped. Suddenly she felt Amanda's grip on her chin tighten. Amanda slowly came closer, and then her lips touched Laura's lips. Every single muscle in Laura's body froze for a second. Her heart didn't beat, her lungs didn't breath, and her lips didn't react. Then she felt Amanda's tongue entering her lips and her mouth. Laura didn't move, she didn't answer, but she didn't resist either. Not before Amanda's lips left her mouth she dared to say anything.

"I don't…" was all Laura could utter, but then she was interrupted by Amanda, who placed her finger on Laura's lips.

"Don't say anything. Don't do anything." Amanda whispered. "I will take care of everything."

Amanda started to unbutton her uniform blouse, and Laura conformed her order. When Amanda had removed the blouse, she went on to do the same with skirt. She also removed Laura's shoes and tights, taking special care to not damage the thin nylon fabric. Then she gently lifted Laura's feet onto the bed and placed herself even closer to her. When Amanda turned towards the girdle, Laura involuntarily pulled in her belly, and Amanda smiled at her. Her practiced hands had no problems with removing the girdle and opening the bra, and when both pieces had dropped on the floor, Amanda laid her hands on Laura's shoulders and softly pushed the upper part of her body down. She brought her mouth close to Laura's ear and whispered:

"After all what you have done for Ted and me, it is time for me to make you feel good now."

Before Laura could even process what Amanda was doing, Amanda withdrew from her face and turned downwards again. She removed the last piece of clothing Laura was still wearing, and then she shifted her position. Amanda was now kneeling between Laura's legs, and she looked into her eyes when her fingers tenderly touched the most sensitive part of Laura's body, and Laura flinched. It was a unprecedented feeling, both physically – at least when she didn't count Dr Honigschnaps –, and even more emotionally. Knowing that her best friend did something even Ted had never done was confusing and even embarrassing, at least at first. But then Laura saw Amanda's smile, and when the warm emotions eased her running mind, the equally warm physical experience eased her body at the same time.

Amanda hold the eye contact when she then went down on Laura. Laura saw what Amanda was doing, and for a blink of an eye she felt shocked. Laura would never allow Ted to do such a gross thing with her! But then she not only saw, but felt Amanda's actions, her mouth and her fingers. She suddenly experienced a feeling that she had never experienced before. Her mouth opened, and a shy moan of pleasure escaped her throat. In her position, and because of what Amanda was doing right now, Laura was only able to see the upper half of Amanda's face. But both women were still maintaining eye contact, and when Laura moaned again, she saw satisfaction flashing up in Amanda's eyes. Laura closed her eyes and leaned back, and in this moment, she stopped worrying about anything.

– – – –

Laura heard the baby cry, and she opened her eyes. She needed a short moment to remember what had happened and to orientate herself. By the shadows on the wall she could tell that it was late afternoon now. It seemed that she had fallen asleep. After three days of both emotional and physical exhaustion, that didn't came as a surprise. She was lying in Ted and Amanda's bed, and she was nude. Laura turned around and sat up on the bed, and she saw her uniform lying neatly folded up on the chair. Laura wanted to get up to dress, but then she heard a movement at the door. She flinched back onto the bed and pulled up the blanket to cover her naked body.

The door opened and Amanda stepped in. She was carrying Teddy Junior on her arm. He had stopped crying, but his face was still displaying his grumpiness Amanda had mentioned earlier. Amanda smiled at Laura, and she tried to smile back but achieved only a very shy expression. Amanda stepped to the opposite side of the double bed, and then she laid down on it vis-à-vis Laura. She put Teddy Junior in the middle between them. The baby's mood changed drastically when he saw himself between his mother and the other woman he had spent so much time with in his young life.

"I knew his aunt Laura would make him happy. You are very good at making people happy."

Amanda smiled at her, and Laura instantly got more comfortable. She smiled back at Amanda, and this time, she felt no shyness in it. Laura even eased the grip she was holding the blanket in, settling into a more relaxed position.

"First Maggie, now you… It must be something wrong with me that I always have to kiss crying women." Amanda laughed softly, and Teddy Junior joined in with a happy squeak.

"It must be something wrong with me, too…" Laura answered, but not laughing at all. "…that I always break into other people's relationships. I'm already a married man's mistress, and now I've pushed myself between you and your girlfriend, too."

Laura was surprised by her own calmness she had spoken in about this grave issue. She hadn't even hesitated to speak out the term 'girlfriend' that had troubled her so much in the past. But she was even more surprised when she heard Amanda chuckle.

"First of all, I don't remember you pushing into anything in any way. Of us two, I was the one who advanced at you, and I was the one doing the pushing." she said. "And secondly, what made you think I have a girlfriend?"

"Ted suggested that you are seeing someone every time you leave us two alone." Laura answered. "And when you continued to leave under pretext even when Ted was away on his flights, I thought…"

Amanda laughed again and then smilingly clarified:

"I wasn't leaving under pretext, I really had appointments. At least in the last few weeks. Last Wednesday, I had a doctor's appointment, and the week before, my mother had asked me to welcome my aunt when she arrived at Central Station. I don't have a girlfriend."

Laura was very glad to hear from Amanda that her suspicions had been wrong. She wasn't sure what exactly made her feel relived, though. Was she really relieved that she hadn't destroyed a relationship? Or was she relieved that Amanda wasn't in a relationship with a woman at all? But after the exhausting emotional troubles of the last three days, Laura really didn't want to destroy this moment by overthinking it. She just wanted to enjoy the serenity she felt at this moment in which Amanda and Teddy Junior were by her side and all troubles seemed suddenly so far away.

"…other than you." Amanda added after a long pause, and then she did what Laura was avoiding and expressed her feelings: "Laura, before you became part of my life, in the time when Ted and I were alone in our marriage, I felt incomplete. Other than Teddy Junior, I had no one who was a source of happiness for me. I dreamt of a woman I could love, that would love me. A woman that would make me happy, like I had experienced in the past. But I was too tired to actually search for this person that could make me happy. And then came you. When you joined Ted and me, you brought back happiness to both our lives."

Amanda continued to smile at Laura, but it no longer was a amused smile, but became a warm smile of deep affection.

"At first, I thought that you would free me. I hoped that you could make Ted happy, and that this would lift the burden of this marriage from my shoulders. I imagined that I could then leave the constriction of what was binding Ted and me and set out to find love for my own. But after some time, I realized that there was no need for me to leave what the three of us had built. I wouldn't find what I was looking for somewhere out there. I already was happy with Ted and you. I thought I was happy with having you in my life as my best friend. Now I know that you make me happy because you are what I've dreamt of: a woman that I can love, and a woman that loves me."

Laura was stunned when Amanda revealed to her what she was feeling, but before she could even think about exploring her own feelings, Amanda continued:

"I don't expect you to fall in love with me, to be in love with me." Amanda closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I know that you are in love with Ted, and that you are only part of my life because you want him to be part of your life. And I know that you are not like I am. I understand that you can't love a woman, exactly as I can never be in love with a man. But I do love Ted, though, and if you could just love me in the same way I love him, this would be more than enough to make me perfectly happy."

After a short moment of disillusion, Amanda was smiling again now. She looked at Laura, and Laura could feel the deep affection that Amanda was harboring. This affection was far more than just friendship, Laura could no longer mistake it for just that. And it made Laura feel so good to know what Amanda was feeling for her. But her own feelings for Amanda were still confusing, and what had just happened wasn't helping to clear up her confusion. However, Laura knew perfectly well that her own feelings were not the only thing she had to consider.

"Ted must never know what happened." Laura said, calm at first, but then she exclaimed. "He must not find us together!"

Laura had suddenly realized that the bed she was lying in was not only Amanda's bed, it also was Ted's bed, too. She wanted to jump up and grab her clothes, but Amanda was faster, holding her down with her hand on Laura's shoulder.

"Don't panic, he won't find us. Colette called just five minutes ago, it was the phone that made Teddy Junior cry. She told me that Ted and Dean are in their favorite bar near the airport and that I shouldn't expect him to come home soon. She wanted to tell me, because she didn't know that someone else already had."

Amanda smiled a Laura reassuringly, and Laura let herself fall back onto the bed. She looked into Amanda's smiling face, and then she looked at the baby. Teddy Junior watched her from wide open eyes, and Laura threw of the blanket a bit to free her arm so that she could extend her fingers to him. He grabbed it, and then turned around, looking at his mother. Laura was still of the opinion that it would be wiser to leave, or at least dress up and move to the living room. But she felt so safe and secure here at this moment, together with the happy baby and Amanda.

"We must never let Ted know." Laura repeated. "I myself don't even understand what has happened. But I know this is not right. It is wrong, and dangerous. I'm happy with what Ted and you and I have, and this, this will destroy it."

Laura saw disappointment entering Amanda's expression, but she tried to ignore it and shook her head.

"No, Amanda, it can't be. I'm not like you, I'm sorry. You've always said that you are happy with what we have, so please, don't risk all this for something nobody knows of how it will turn out. We both are not allowed to do this."

And then she added:

"But most importantly, we must find a way to keep Ted from volunteering. I don't want him to leave at all. When he leaves, he destroys what the three of us have. And I especially don't want him to go to war. He might get wounded, even get killed!" A fresh tear was running from her eye. "I couldn't survive without him."

"Shush, shush, Shush!" Amanda spoke to her like to Teddy Junior when she wiped the single tear on Laura's cheek and then placed her hand on it. "We will find a way to change his mind. He won't do anything stupid tonight, Colette explicitly assured me that she would take care of this. And when he comes back, we both can talk with him. He will see you, and he will see his son, and we will remind him of what he has. He will come to his senses and see reason."

"And if he thinks that all this is not enough?"

"Don't you think like this again!" Amanda rejected Laura's worries. "There is no way in which your love is not enough for him."

"But Pan Am." Laura insisted. "What if Pan Am is not enough for him? This time, he really was bitterly disappointed."

Amanda turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. For some time she was thinking in silence. It felt like hours to Laura.

"Ted could have been promoted long ago if he had talked to his father." she finally broke her silence. "His father has offered him to intervene in his behalf, but Ted would never accept help from him. And even if he did, he would never feel happy knowing that he owes his rank to his father."

"He planned to ask his father for help back then, before he and I came together." Laura explained. "He wanted to get away from me as fast as possible. I think he felt relieved when we admitted to our love, and engaged in an affair, and he no longer had to do it."

Amanda nodded and turned around to face Laura. Absentmindedly she offered her hand to Teddy Junior, as Laura had done before.

"No, Ted will never ask his father for help. He doesn't want to. And I don't think he ever could, even if he wanted it." Amanda shook her head. "You don't know him in this respect, you have never seen Ted when he is around his father. The only time he stood up against his father was when he told him that he wouldn't marry me, and after how this turned out, Ted will never do it again."

Amanda took her hand from Teddy Junior and reached for Laura's hand. She squeezed it and smiled.

"But Douglas is a nice man if you know how to handle him right, and I know. He can't refuse his daughter-in-law anything. I will talk to him, as soon as possible, and Ted will be promoted before he is even able to look up the recruiting bureau's address. And then, when is finally is happy being a captain, we all can be happy together."


	5. Love and Its Opposite

___Pan Am – "More Love Than Two Can Handle"_  


**Love and Its Opposite**

_v1.0.1 (May 04, 2013)  
_

"I think we will order the buffet from Mason's, they did great work at Ted's birthday. Obviously, the buffet will be smaller this time. Let's see, how many people will be there: Dean and Colette, Maggie, Sanjeev and his wife… Do you think Maggie will bring her boyfriend? And what about your fourth stewardess, what is her name?"

Laura had to think for a moment before she could answer Amanda's questions. Of course she could remember her colleague's name without any problems, but she had to invest some thought into the other two questions Amanda had asked.

"Her name is Ann." she said eventually. "She joined our crew just one week ago. On the one hand, it would be just rude to not invite her, because she is a member of Ted's crew. But on the other hand, she doesn't know anyone of us well. And Colette and Dean would most probably feel more comfortable without her." Laura paused again to think about this problem for another second, but then she put it away and went on: "I do think we have to invite Captain Broyles. He is not only Maggie's boyfriend, he is also a good friend of Dean and Ted. Although I think chances are good that he will be somewhere else in the world, anyway. Even by the standards of a Pan Am pilot, I have never met a man who travels so much."

"Well, we will invite him and see what happens. Do you think Kate will be coming?"

"I'm sure she wants to be here, and getting a seat on a flight is never a problem." Laura nodded. "But in her position, she never knows when she has to work. She'll have to negotiate with her base manager about this, and even if she gets two days off, there may be an emergency at any time."

Amanda mentally reviewed the list.

"So, including the three of us, we will be eleven persons if everybody comes, and not less than eight."

'The three of us.' For both Amanda and Laura, it felt just natural to use these words. Laura had feared that what had happened between her and Amanda would do harm to their relationship. But it seemed that Amanda had accepted what Laura had wished for. She behaved as if this afternoon had never happened. And Laura was relieved that nothing had changed. She still had not found time to explore her feelings, or maybe she had not wanted to do so. At the moment, all that mattered to her was that nothing would change, not between her and Amanda, and not in both their relationship with Ted.

They were sitting at the coffee table in Amanda and Ted's apartment and were occupied with planning the party they were going to have to celebrate Ted's promotion. Amanda had talked to Ted's father at the same day she had come up with this plan. She had met him for dinner, and she had been back home even before Colette and Dean had dropped off a very drunk Ted. And Amanda had been right in her estimate of the influence Douglas Vanderway had on the decisions that were made at Pan Am headquarters.

In fact, even Amanda herself had been surprised by how fast things had developed. For two days, Ted had been in a severe depression, and neither Laura nor Amanda and his son had been able to cheer him up. But then, only two days after Amanda's dinner with Douglas Vanderway, the president of Pan Am's promotion board had called Ted and informed him that, after some reconsideration of Pan Am's long term strategy, they needed an additional captain. Ted had been so excited and happy, he hadn't even questioned this reasoning. Since then, five days had passed, in which Ted had completed his two last flights as a first officer. Five days, in which he had been as happy as Laura and Amanda hadn't seen him for a long time, if ever. In this way, their relationship – the relationship all three of them shared – had become better than ever, and this made Laura happier than ever, too.

"I wonder what's taking him so long." Amanda stopped talking about the party preparations and looked at the wall clock. "Didn't you tell me he wanted to have just one drink with Dean?"

"Yes, he told me so." Laura answered. "But remember, it's been their last flight together. For them, it's the end of an era. I wouldn't be too surprised if they ended up with some more than just one drink."

Amanda looked a bit worried, but Laura just smiled at her.

"Let him celebrate, he deserves to have some fun with his friend. Besides, I heard that Captain Broyles is in town. Maggie will certainly spend the evening with him, so there is no one waiting for me for dinner, and no one will ask me questions where I have been." Laura put on an innocent look. "I thought I could invite myself for dinner with you and Ted…"

Amanda's face displayed a glad smile. In all the time Laura had spent with Ted and her, it had been surprisingly seldom for her to stay for dinner. Laura generally feared that her roommate could get suspicious of her, and could start asking questions. Nobody expected Maggie to suspect any involvement of Ted, let alone Amanda, but Laura didn't want to face any questions about where she spend her evenings and with whom. So she had taken no risk and always made sure to be home earlier than Maggie, or at least arrive at an unsuspicious time of the day.

Before Amanda could express her happiness, she and Laura heard the key in the lock. They both turned towards the hall to welcome Ted. But when he finally stepped into the living room, Laura's mood changed to the worse. He didn't look happy, but rather depressed, most definitely concerned. Ted didn't even greet the two women that were waiting for him, but went over to the minibar and poured himself a whiskey. After he had downed the first glass, he poured himself another and then sat down on the chair opposite Amanda and Laura. Since he had arrived, he hadn't said a word, and he still remained silent. He didn't look at his wife or his lover, but kept his eyes on the floor without looking up.

"Ted, are you alright?" Amanda asked, but he still didn't speak or look at her. Amanda turned to Laura, and she saw the concern in her eyes.

"How many drinks did you have?" Laura asked softly to not upset Ted. She had seen Ted drunk before, but now he looked nothing like then.

"I'm sober." Ted broke his silence, but he still looked down on the ground without moving his head or any other part of his body. "I had only one beer with Dean, more than two hours ago, and then the one whiskey just yet. I'm totally sober… and sobered."

As if he was determined to change this condition as fast as possible, Ted raised his glass to his mouth and emptied it in one draft. But after this fast movement, he returned to his statue like position and stared from empty eyes. Laura looked at Amanda, and she saw that Ted's wife was at least as worried as she was. Amanda seemed to sense the same, because she tried to reach out to Ted again:

"Ted, darling, we are both worried about you. Please, tell us, what's happened!"

For a moment, Laura feared that Ted would not break his silence again, but then he started to talk.

"Dean and I, we went to our bar to have one last beer as crewmates." Ted's voice was low and calm. "We met Blight, and he joined us for the beer. I've never been close friends with him, and last Friday, I thought about strangling him. He had been promoted, I had not. But now I no longer have a problem with him. I mean, I got promoted, too! I worked hard, and I was rewarded for my efforts. I earned myself the fourth stripe, didn't I?"

Ted finally raised his head and faced Laura and Amanda. He grinned at them, but it was no enjoyable expression of happiness.

"And then Broyles came into the bar." Ted continued. "I can't figure him out. I know that Dean hates his guts, but he seems to be in his debt in some way, and strangely enough, Broyles seems to respect and even like Dean. Dean has never told me about what happened between them, and so I just don't understand their relationship. And then there is this strange relationship between Broyles and Maggie, yet another thing I don't really understand. Anyway, Broyles considers me a friend, and I won't fend him off. He knows people, he has connections, he has influence. One day, having him as a friend might come in handy. For example when you need some valuable information from Pan Am headquarters, even if you don't know you need it yet."

Ted still grinned, but his eyes returned to the floor. At the same time, Laura's thoughts were racing. She had a very bad feeling about what Ted was going to tell her.

"Well, Broyles indeed had some very interesting information to share. You know, one of his many friends is William Wilson, the president of the promotion board. Broyles met him just yesterday, and they had a little chat over how decisions are made at Pan Am. Lewis Ford got promoted to captain just one week after he had proposed to the daughter of one of the vice presidents. As it turns out, there is more than one way to 'earn' yourself the fourth stripe. And Wilson also revealed to Broyles the way I did, and he told me, and it was really interesting to learn how I 'earned' my promotion. I didn't even have to marry someone's daughter, it was sufficient enough to be someone's son."

In a sudden movement, Ted leaped to his feet and simultaneously threw his empty glass down to the ground. The glass didn't break, but bounced up for a low jump and then rolled over the floor. Laura nevertheless winced at the unexpected noise and Ted's violent physical expression of his anger. She could only listen to Ted in shock when he now started to shout. But Laura quickly noticed that Ted wasn't shouting at her or at Amanda, but at a third person that wasn't in the room with them.

"He did it. He simply couldn't just stand back and watch me live my own life, he had to take control over it. He couldn't allow his son to be a mere first officer, he couldn't tolerate that his son was such a failure, a stain on his success." Ted angrily paced up and down the room, still without looking at Laura and Amanda. "Oh, he just wanted the best for me. See, I wasn't able to achieve what he had planned for me, so he had to help me. Oh, he is a good, caring father, it's just that I am a bad, disappointing son."

As suddenly as he had jumped from his seat, Ted now stopped and looked at the two frightened women that were watching him in his anger.

"But I won't let him win this time. I won't bow to him, not again. If I don't take my life in my own hands now, if I don't show him that I will no longer tolerate his interference, he will never accept that it is my life. This is my life!" Ted had spoken almost calm, but the last sentence had been a angry, loud shout again. "I will demonstrate to him that I'm capable of shaping my own life, that I can make my own decisions and be successful with it."

Ted rushed out of the room without any further words. Laura saw how Amanda quickly came to her feet and followed him, but Laura couldn't move. She was paralyzed by what had happened, shocked by Ted's violent anger, and by the realization that Amanda's plan had not been successful after all. She knew what was going to happen next, exactly what she had feared the most. Laura kept sitting on the couch in the living room, without moving, and listened to what was happening in the hall. She heard how Amanda begged Ted to stay, how she begged him to listen to her, but she heard no word from him. Then she heard the door slamming shut, and for one second, the apartment lay in total silence. And then she heard a muted sobbing, quickly getting louder and stronger.

When Amanda came back into the room, she was no longer holding back her tears and cried without restraint. Only when Laura saw her best friend in this condition, she realized that she herself was not crying. She had been strangely calm when Ted had stormed out, maybe because she had been expecting it, had been fearing it all the time. Everything had been too perfect to be true. But now, she was confronted with something she had never expected. Laura knew Amanda only as a strong woman, and she had never seen her in tears like this before. Amanda was staggering the few steps to the couch and powerlessly let herself fall onto it. When she sunk down without any physical strength left, Laura finally felt her own eyes tearing up.

– – – –

Laura didn't know for how long she and Amanda had been crying in silence. Amanda's head had been resting on her lap, and they both had cried until there had been no more tears left to shed. It felt like hours had passed since Ted had left, and in all the time, neither Laura nor Amanda had said a single word. But Laura had thought a lot.

At first, the most dominant feeling had not been the sorrow after Ted had left, but the shock to see Amanda broken. When even the woman that had brought her and Ted together in their love, that had created all that mattered to Laura, and that she had never seen without a plan for the future, when even Amanda had lost her hope, Laura hadn't been able to think of a single reason to still hope for anything. But after some time, Laura had stopped wallowing in self-pity. Instead, she had become more and more angry – angry with Ted. Amanda had spared no effort to make him happy – never! When he had been in love with her, she had accepted his proposal even though she could not be in love with him. When she had seen Ted unhappy, it had been Amanda who had repeatedly approached Laura to make him happy. And when he had still been unsatisfied, she had done everything necessary to ensure that he got what he wished for. His 'fourth stripe', it was gift from Amanda. And after all what she had done for him, Ted had selfishly left her without even talking to her.

More and more, her anger with Ted had stepped back behind the feeling of sympathy with Amanda. Sure, Laura loved what she had with Ted, and when he was leaving now, she would lose all this, she would lose the man she loved. But Amanda would not only lose the man she loved – in a different way than Laura loved him, but still, she loved Ted –, Amanda would also lose her husband and the father of her child. Laura felt miserable thinking of the hardship Amanda would have to endure. Her best friend didn't deserve all this. Amanda deserved the same happiness she had brought to Laura's life by bringing her together with Ted, and by being her best friend, by being even more than just that.

Amanda's head was still lying on Laura's lap, and Laura could feel her slowly breathing. She had to look down at her face to check whether she had fallen asleep, but Amanda's reddened eyes were open and stared at the room. Laura put her right hand on Amanda's cheek. It was already dry again, after the last tears had ran across it quite some time ago, but Laura could still feel the salty trails they had left behind with her finger tips. Laura gently petted Amanda's face, but she received no reaction from her. And then, Laura lifted her hand and kept it hovering above Amanda's face, above her body. When Laura put it down again, her right hand now rested on Amanda's right hip. Laura could feel the body of the woman lying on her lap through the thin fabric of Amanda's summer dress. She moved her hand over Amanda's hip, and then up again, until she finally placed it on her breast.

For some seconds, Laura made no move. In her whole life, the only time she had touched another woman's breast had been the one time when her sister Kate had shown her her first bra and Laura had curiously felt how it fitted. But this situation had been a totally different than the one Laura was in now. And this time, the clothing was not what she wanted to feel. So when Amanda still didn't react in any way, Laura ran her hand up Amanda's shoulders and let it slide beneath her dress. She found Amanda's bra, and gently squeezed her finger tips between it and Amanda's skin, pushing her hand slowly deeper into the tight bra. Her finger tips could feel the bare skin, and then her whole palm felt the soft heat of Amanda's body when it came to rest directly on her nipple.

"What are you doing?" Amanda whispered, still without moving. At least her body didn't move, but Laura could sense a telling change in what she felt in her palm now.

"I want to show you that you are not alone." Laura whispered in return. "You will never be alone, and you will never be without love."

While she had been whispering, Laura had lowered her face down to Amanda's, and Amanda had lifted her head from Laura's lap. The both met halfway, and then they kissed. The kiss felt at least as long as the time they had been crying over Ted. To Laura, this kiss felt so different than the last one she had shared with Amanda. This time, she wasn't confused, she wasn't afraid, she wasn't hesitant, she wasn't shy. This time, it was her tongue that opened Amanda's lips. Laura felt so much love for Amanda, and in this kiss, she felt the equal amount of love that Amanda felt for her. Laura's hand left Amanda's breast and wandered down her body, all beneath her dress, while they still kissed, more intensely and deeply now, how Laura had only kissed Ted before.

Amanda had further raised her head, and she was more sitting than lying now, so that they both could continue kissing without having to remain in their initial, uncomfortable pose. Amanda rested on her left arm, and her right hand was even free to open one button of Laura's blouse and then slip into it. Laura felt Amanda's hand on her belly, and this contact made her aware of her own hand again, that was resting on Amanda's body. She slowly pushed down. When her fingers reached Amanda's panties, Laura hesitated for a short moment. But then she slipped her hand into it and felt Amanda's warm, soft, curly hair. Amanda's tongue twitched in Laura's mouth when Laura's index finger had finally found the way inside. Laura felt the wet, hot, pulsating flesh around her finger, and she realized that her hand was intuitively moving now. She didn't know what she was doing, but she knew that she wanted to continue.

Laura finally broke the kiss. She immediately pressed her cheek against Amanda's cheek and brought her mouth very close to Amanda's ear.

"I want to go to the bedroom with you." Laura whispered, and she felt the nodding movement of approval Amanda made with her head.

"You'll have to wait for just one second, I have to fetch something from the dresser."

When Laura and Amanda heard Ted's voice, they both violently flinched apart in surprise. Amanda pulled her hand off from Laura's body and ripped at least one button from her blouse. Laura, at the same time, was too shocked to move at all, and her hand kept resting in Amanda's lap, with her arm stretching Amanda's dress. They both stared at Ted, who stood at the other end of the couch and looked at them. He had spoken calmly, and he continued in the same voice:

"I was at the Navy's recruitment office, and when I told the officer that I have served before, he wanted to see my commission and my discharge certificate. I think they are both in the left upper drawer."

"Ted, I…"

"Don't say anything, both of you, don't!" Ted interrupted Amanda and shook his head. "You don't have to explain anything."

Ted took a deep breath and looked at Laura and Amanda. His look was filled with disappointment, and for Laura, this look felt like a stab to her heart.

"How could I not see this before?! How is it possible that you could fool me like this for all the time?! I mean, it was so obvious right from the very first moment! When Maggie told me about the kiss, I didn't believe it until I saw you two together! It was seeing you with Laura that convinced me that your are 'more comfortable with women', as you said." Ted shook his head again, and then he turned to his wife: "Tell me, Amanda, when did you decide to pretend you love me?! Before, or after you met Laura for the first time? Was that you plan, to become my wife so that you can be close to my best friend Laura? Oh, I can remember your speech, when you said we should marry and then both start affairs with persons we really love. You told me I could be with Laura, but all the time, it was you who wanted to be with her!"

Ted turned to Laura, and again she could physically feel a stab to her heart.

"Laura, I know you since you joined our crew, at least I thought I knew you." Ted exclaimed a short, joyless laugh. "Back then, in Tehran, I really felt guilty for cheating on my wife, even though there was no love in our marriage. And know I realize, that I was the one whose wife was cheating on! Have you ever really been in love with me, and were you still in love with me in Tehran? Or did you 'sacrifice' yourself for your true love, for Amanda? Oh, I finally understand your whole scheme!"

Ted theatrically raised his hands, palms facing upwards.

"You" Ted pointed at Amanda with his right hand "pretended to love me, and you got pregnant, so that I had to marry you. The perfect opportunity to get a respectable life, complete with husband and son. And you" Ted's left hand pointed at Laura "engaged in an affair with me, and then you both staged this strange play at New Year's Eve. How gracious of my wife to tolerate my mistress! And how strong was my mistress to confront my wife! All the time, you made me feel guilty for being an adulterer, so that I would be grateful for your tolerance! I was nothing more than your jester! Oh, there was only one thing missing to your perfect happiness! You must have been so happy when I thought about volunteering. With me in Vietnam, you could have been together without having to pretend you loved me! And it must have come as such an disappointment to you when I got promoted and it seemed as if I would stay here."

"No, Ted, no!" Laura interrupted Ted's speech when she could no longer endure his allegations. "I want you to stay with me! I really love you and I don't want you go into war! When you first talked about volunteering, I told Amanda, and we both thought that you were unsatisfied with you career at Pan Am. So Amanda came up with this plan to get you promoted, and she talked to your father, so…"

"You talked to my father?!" Ted's face expressed far more surprise than it had when he had found Laura and Amanda. "You asked my father to take over my life?! You asked him to 'help' me! Was cheating on me with my own mistress not enough humiliation?! You really had to tell my father that I not only was incapable of living my own life, but also that I was not man enough to talk to him myself, that I had to hide behind my wife! Did you also tell him that I was not man enough to satisfy my wife and my mistress while you were at it?"

Ted starred at Amanda, as if he expected an answer, but when Amanda opened her mouth to talk to him, he didn't let her an opportunity to do so.

"I hate you." was the only thing he said. His calm, low, unemotional voice felt like another stab to Laura's heart. The feeling got even worse when Ted turned to Laura, and he looked at her with disappointment, even detestation, but he said no word. He turned back to Amanda.

"But you don't have to worry about my feelings for you, I will never again be part of your life. I will divorce you as soon as possible, and I will no longer be your husband. Become happy with Laura if you want, I no longer care about anyone of you."

As if to prove it, Ted left the room without even glancing at Amanda or Laura. This time, Amanda stayed behind, quivering on the couch and silently sobbing, while Laura pushed her away from herself and jumped up to follow Ted. When she entered Amanda and Ted's bedroom, he was already raking through loose papers in one of the drawers.

"Ted, please, listen to me, you have to believe me!" Laura begged him under tears. "I love you! I love only you! I fell in love with you even before you met Amanda, I was in love with you in Tehran, and I'm still in love with you! I've never lied to you."

Ted finally found the binder with the two documents he was looking for and tucked it under his arm. Then he looked at the closet, pondering for a short second, before he shook his head.

"Just another benefit. I won't need any of my clothes… I won't need anything from here." he mumbled to himself and stepped out of the room. He completely ignored Laura.

"There is nothing between Amanda and me!" Laura tried to get through to him again. "After this terrible time on our flight to Cairo, I was shocked, and then she approached me, and I was too exhausted to resist her. But I don't love her! I told her to never do it again. I love only you!" she repeated.

Without any reaction to Laura, Ted grabbed his jacket, fished his keys from its pocket and carelessly discarded them on the floor. He opened the door and then slammed it shut behind him. Laura starred at the door, as if she could see Ted through it, but he had left, and he had made clear that he didn't plan to ever come back.

For some seconds, Laura just stood where he had left her and didn't move. She felt abandoned, so strong was the feeling, that she had to look for anything near her that's presence could confirm to her that she was still alive in the same world she used to know. When she turned around, she saw Amanda standing next to her. Tears were covering her face, again, and Amanda raised her arms for a hug. But Laura's emotions forced her to push Amanda away.

"Don't you dare to come to me looking for solace! Don't you dare to offer me solace!" Laura shouted at Amanda. "This is all your fault!"

Laura could tell from Amanda's look that she didn't understand what Laura was talking about and what the sudden change in her mood meant. But Laura was absolutely certain who was to blame for this catastrophic situation.

"It was your idea to talk to Ted's father! Your plan is the reason that Ted will never again be satisfied with his career at Pan Am! You left him no other alternative than to join the military! And you seduced me! You knew that I was not one of your kind, but you disrespected my wishes and seduced me anyway! I told you that it was wrong, I warned you that it would jeopardize the balance of our relationship! And I told you that Ted must never know! But you seduced me again, and now Ted thinks that I love you and not him. Ted thinks that I've never been in love with him!"

Laura sobbed at this point. She closed her eyes, to hold back her tears, and to avoid having to look at Amanda, who was standing in front of Laura and cried silently, confused by what was happening to her.

"You destroyed everything that made me happy. You destroyed everything I had in my life. I hate you! I hate even more than Ted does!"

Laura spun around and turned her back on Amanda. Without even thinking of her jacket, she opened the door and rushed out of the apartment, slamming the door shut behind her as hard as Ted had done.


	6. Perfection

_Pan Am – "More Love Than Two Can Handle"_

**Perfection**

_v1.0.3 (June 25, 2013)_

"Lunch is ready, I made us some sandwiches." Maggie waited for two or three seconds, and then impatiently added: "Come on, Laura, you know how much I hate fixing lunch, don't let my effort be wasted time." Three more seconds passed, before Maggie continued in a more concerned voice: "Laura, even if you don't want to talk, you have to eat some food! You are in there since yesterday, you already have missed dinner and breakfast."

Laura looked at the door of her room and imagined Maggie standing on the other side, most probably with her hands on her hips, nervously tapping her foot. Laura actually had to ask herself whether Maggie was right, at least in one respect. But to her own surprise, she didn't feel hungry, and so she kept silent and didn't answer her worried roommate. Maggie was definitely right in that Laura didn't want to talk to her.

Not only hadn't she eaten anything since yesterday's lunch, Laura also hadn't slept last night. She had cried for some time, and Maggie had tried to talk to her through the locked door, but then Laura's tears had run dry, she had become silent, and Maggie had eventually given up. She had gone to bed, and no noise had disturbed Laura's thoughts.

It had been angry, even furious thoughts. After the self-pity Laura had wallowed in when Ted had left her, Laura had opened her heart for hate. Laura had hated Ted for leaving her. She had hated him for not even listening to her, for not believing her. She had hated him for forgetting everything they had shared so intensely for so long in just one short second. He had betrayed and abandoned their love, and Laura had really hated him for this.

And Laura had hated Amanda. She had blamed her for all what had happened, for destroying her life, and Laura's hate for Amanda had burnt hot in her heart. All this hate had burnt so hot in her soul, that Laura had felt that she wasn't able to bear up against this pain. Laura had needed an outlet for her emotions, a way to reduce the burning pressure inside of her. For some minutes, Laura had been pondering smashing something in her room, but the fact that she was pondering this option for several minutes was prove enough that this wouldn't have helped her.

Laura had known that the only thing that could bring her relief was talking about what had happened and about what she felt. Maggie had offered exactly this, but Laura couldn't talk to her about what had constituted her life over the last year. Maggie was her closest colleague, her roommate, her best friend, but she was all that in the public life of Laura. After almost one year in that she had lived a second, secret life, it was simply impossible for Laura to explain all this to Maggie – not now, in the very moment her real life, the one of her two lives that meant all to Laura, had collapsed.

Laura had wished Kate could be with her. Her sister had been there for her the first time Laura's life had turned upside down, and she had shown her the way to a new life. Laura needed her sister to save her again. But Kate was in Paris, maybe not even there, but somewhere else in Europe, on the other side of the Atlantic ocean. And even if she still had been in New York, Laura wasn't sure she would have been able to explain it to her any more easily than to Maggie.

Even before it had been midnight, Laura had realized that the only person who was close enough to her to understand what she felt and who was able to spend her relief and solace was the very same person she hated so much: Amanda. Amanda was part of her secret life, and she was part of what made this life the one Laura considered her real life. In this life, Amanda was Laura's best friend. Amanda was Laura's best friend in all of her lives. Amanda was even more than just a friend.

At the same time Laura's hate for Amanda had faded away, her self-pity had followed it, and both emotions had made room for self-reproach. It had made Laura feeling even worse than before. When she had left Amanda and Ted's apartment, it had been so easy to blame the two of them for destroying her life and for hurting her. But now Laura had begun to blame herself. She had wronged Amanda, because nothing that had happened had been her fault. More than that, Laura had made herself guilty by doing the very same thing she accused Ted of: she had betrayed Amanda when she had told Ted she wouldn't love her, and she had cruelly abandoned Amanda in the moment of greatest pain.

Laura remembered what she had felt after Ted had left for the first time, what she had felt for Amanda. How had it been possible that she had forgotten those feelings just a few minutes later? Ted's disappointment of her had shocked and hurt Laura, and him leaving her had broken her heart, but this was no excuse for the injustice Laura had done Amanda. Amanda had every right to hate Laura for the same reasons Laura had believed she had every right to hate Amanda.

So, after one night and half a day, Laura had completed the emotional circle and returned to what she had felt yesterday: self-pity. Ted had left her, Amanda hated her, and her life was destroyed. Laura was fully aware that her self-pity was neither helpful nor justified, given that she was the only one she could blame for Amanda's feelings. But this awareness didn't make it any better. Fresh tears started to fill her eyes, and Laura started sobbing again.

"Laura, darling, please, talk to me." Maggie's voice reached Laura through the door. "I'm there for you! I want to help you! But you have to talk to me! Has anybody hurt you? Who…"

Maggie stopped in mid sentence when somebody knocked at the apartment door so impatiently that even Laura could hear it in her room. Laura heard Maggie opening the door, and at the same moment, Laura heard the cries of a child. The door was slammed shut again, and a fierce argument took place in the hall, but Laura didn't follow anything of it. All she heard was the crying child. Her own tears immediately stopped, and then Laura unlocked and opened her door. When she looked into the corridor, she saw Maggie and Captain Broyles, who carried a baby in his arms.

"What do you mean by: 'I don't know her'?" Maggie angrily hissed at Broyles. "She gave you her son! Are you the father of this boy?!"

"No, I swear, I've never seen this woman before." Broyles obviously felt uncomfortable with the crying boy in his arms, but he felt even more uncomfortable with Maggie interrogating him. "And I am not the father! She even told me to find his father and to give the child to him!"

Broyles had gotten loud when he defended himself from Maggie's accusation, and Laura could no longer tolerate the cries of the child. She stepped closer and resolutely took the boy from him. Laura had recognized him at the same moment she had first seen him in Broyles arms.

"Hush, don't cry, I'm here." Teddy Junior looked at Laura, and he recognized his 'aunt'. He stopped crying and huddle against her. When Laura looked up from him, she saw Maggie and Broyles staring at her in surprised astonishment over who fast Laura had pacified the child.

"George is not his father." Laura explained to them. "It's Teddy Junior, Amanda and Ted's son."

"That is exactly what I was trying to tell you!" Broyles exclaimed. "This woman came to me, she gave me her son, and she told me to bring him to his father: Ted Vanderway."

"But, why…?" Maggie was still confused, and Broyles continued:

"I don't know! She told me that she wouldn't know where her husband was, but that I would be able to find him. I have no idea what made her think I could do this, let alone where I can find Vanderway!"

"Ted left Amanda yesterday and volunteered for the Navy." Laura revealed, even before she became aware that she most probably would have to explain her knowledge.

"Ted left Amanda and volunteered? Did he quit at Pan Am?" Maggie asked, but before Laura could answer, Broyles intervened:

"I doubt he quit, I would have heard by now. Well, if he joined the Navy, I can find him. I still have some old friends in the military, just let me make some calls."

Broyles seemed much relieved now that the child was off his arms and no longer crying, now that nobody suspected him to be its father, and with a task at hand he felt confident he could accomplish. He went over to the telephone and began dialing the first number. Meanwhile, Maggie grabbed Laura's arm and dragged her and the boy into the kitchen.

"What the hell is going on?!" she asked Laura. "Why did Ted leave Amanda, and why did she give George her son? And how do you know about all this?"

"Do we have any fruit, maybe an apple?" Laura tried to distract her friend. "It's lunch time, I imagine he is hungry."

Maggie stared at Laura for a moment, and then she opened the fridge, took an apple from it, and started cutting it into small chunks. Maggie took special care to cut off the peel, which took her some time. All the time she continued to stare at Laura, and when she eventually handed her two of the small apple pieces, she returned to her questions:

"Laura, tell me, what is going on here! And don't try to tell me that all that has nothing to do with last night!"

Laura avoided Maggie's stare and offered the apple to Teddy Junior, who happily took it from her hand. While Laura watched the boy eating the apple, her mind was racing. But she simply didn't know what to answer. There was no way she could explain all this without telling Maggie the truth, and telling her the truth was impossible. Laura played for time when she stepped over to the table to pick up another apple piece, but she knew that this wouldn't save her.

"I found him." It was Broyles who saved Laura from Maggie when he entered the kitchen with a complacent smile on his face. "An old friend gave me the number of the head of the Navy's New York recruitment office, and the officer told me that Vanderway is staying at a hotel nearby where they often put up recruits for the night. I've already called the hotel and talked to Vanderway. He is on his way and will be here in just a few minutes."

Broyles seemed very satisfied with his work, but his smiled faded when he noticed the way Maggie stared at Laura. Then he threw a glance at the clock and turned to Maggie:

"It's one o'clock, we have to go. Hector is waiting for us."

"Go alone, I will stay with Laura." Maggie said without averting her eyes from her roommate and the child in her arms.

"You have to come with me." Broyles insisted. "You know that Hector wants to speak to you."

"I won't leave Laura alone in this situation." The way Maggie emphasized 'this situation' Laura was in made it clear to Laura that Maggie wasn't just talking about leaving her roommate alone with a child. But Broyles either didn't notice the determination in his girlfriend's voice or was even more determined himself. He grabbed her arm and dragged her over to the other side of the room.

"Hector won't seal the deal if you aren't there." he whispered, or at least he tried to whisper, but he was too upset to speak low enough for Laura not to understand him. "I don't have to remind you that this deal was your idea, that you acted on your own initiative in Cairo, and that it was you who brought Hector in! Don't call this off now!"

Laura watched Maggie and Broyles, and while she was taking care of the child in her arms and simultaneously trying to figure out what Maggie and Broyles were talking about, she suddenly realized that Ted was on his way here. He would come here to pick up his son, who was eating an apple in Laura's arms right now. Laura knew that she couldn't meet him now, not alone. To avoid being confronted with Ted, she even was willing to spend the next minutes with the inquiring Maggie.

"Maggie, I really would appreciate if you could stay with me." she said, but Maggie and Broyles were already at the door. This time, Laura couldn't understand what they were whispering to each other, but Broyles looked more determined than Laura had ever seen him, and she also saw the strange expression on Maggie's face she often had noticed before, a mixture of love, thrill, and daringness. Maggie looked at Laura apologetically, but at the same time she was already reaching for her jacket.

"I'm really sorry, Laura, but this is important. I will be back in less than two hours, and then we will talk!" was all she said, and then Maggie was off. Broyles followed her, but before the door fell shut behind him, it opened again.

"I've totally forgotten this, but this woman gave me a letter for Vanderway." Broyles waved an envelope in his right hand and then dropped it on the shoe rack next to the door. Before Laura could even think anything, the door shut. Laura looked down on the little boy in her arms who was eating the last apple chunk, and she sighed and resigned to her fate.

"Well, okay then, Teddy, let's wait for your daddy."

– – – –

"The door isn't locked."

When she heard someone knocking at the door, Laura looked up from the old travel magazine she and Teddy Junior were 'reading' together – the only reading matter with colorful pictures she had been able to find in the whole apartment. When the door swung open, Laura took one last deep breath, and then tried to stay as calm as possible. She leant back on the couch and watched as Ted stepped in. He closed the door behind him and took just one single step in her direction, and then he stood there, looking at her in silence for a few seconds. Neither he nor Laura knew what to say, but Teddy Junior recognized his daddy and happily exclaimed:

"Dada!"

A shy smile flashed across his face when his fatherly feelings overrode any restraint he tried to impose on himself, and seeing this, Laura couldn't help but smile, too.

"Broyles called me and told me my son was here." Ted finally stated the obvious.

"Amanda wrote you a letter. It's laying on the coffee table."

Laura caressed Teddy Junior's neck and watched his father stepping closer to the table half way between the door and the couch. Ted picked up the envelope and weighed it in his hand. When he saw that it was still closed, he look at Laura. She shook her head in negative response to his unexpressed question.

"It's addressed to you." she said explaining. Ted nodded and then opened the envelope. It contained a small but heavy object that Laura couldn't see but that she had felt when she had placed the letter on the table, and a single sheet of paper. Ted needed just a few seconds to read it, and when he had finished the short letter, he sunk down on the chair that stood next to the table. He stared at the ceiling, still without saying anything, and then he looked at Laura and his son. He looked at them for so long that Laura got worried even more than she had been before. Laura tried to read his face, but without knowing what Ted had learnt from Amanda's letter, this was a hopeless undertaking.

After several more seconds, Ted stood up from his chair and came over to her. Without saying anything, he offered Laura the letter. When she reached for it, Ted took his son from her arms and stepped away, so that neither he nor Teddy Junior distracted her. Laura hesitated for a moment, but then she read:

"_Ted,_

_I abstain from addressing you in the way I feel for you, because I don't think you would find it appropriate. I feel that I love you, but I've always known that I don't love you enough to be the wife you deserve. After what you and Laura have said to me, I now can no longer deny that I don't love you enough to be your wife at all. I don't deserve you, and you deserve someone better than me._

_But most importantly, your son deserves the best parents. I love him, but he deserves parents who not only love him, but who also love each other. I know that you love him, and that you love Laura, no matter what you try to tell yourself. And I know that Laura loves you, and only you. I can attest you that she does. You two are the loving parents your son deserves._

_When I stepped into your life, I got in the way of the love that you and Laura share. If I hadn't taken you away from her, you and her would be married now, and Laura would be the mother of your first son. I want to correct my wrongdoing._

_I wish the three of you all the best._

_Amanda._

_P.S.: You left your keys. Take mine._"

Laura finished reading the short letter, and the single sheet of paper became heavy like a stone. Laura dropped in on the coffee table in front of her, and when she looked up, she saw Ted with his son in his arms. Ted was making faces, and Teddy Junior chuckled at his father. Laura watched them and she experienced the warm joy she had always felt when witnessing the deep love of father and son. Ted glanced at her and saw that she had finished the letter.

"The recruiting officer requested my service record from Washington, it won't be in New York before tomorrow." he said. "I haven't signed anything yet. And I won't. I doubt I ever could. I could never leave my son. I will be there for him."

Laura noticed the slightly aggressive undertone, the silent reproach in Ted's statement, and she knew at whom it was aimed. But after the last night, in the shame that she felt for the injustice she had done Amanda, Laura felt she couldn't blame her for anything.

"Amanda loves her son as much as you do." she said. "I and you, we both have done her terribly wrong yesterday, and imagine she is terribly confused now."

Ted looked at his laughing son, and then he turned back to Laura and looked in her eyes.

"I don't know what you and Amanda discussed after I had left. I don't know what Amanda was thinking when she wrote this letter." Ted answered. "I don't want to discuss her decision, whether it was wrong or right, or both. But I do know and I do want to say that she was right in at least one regard: I love you."

"And I do love you." Amanda said. She didn't add any further words of explanation, because looking into his eyes she knew that Ted understood and believed her. When Laura had told him the same thing yesterday, he hadn't looked into her eyes. This time, he wouldn't leave her.

Ted looked at Laura, and then he looked at his son, and he smiled. He walked across the room and sat down on the couch next to Laura, so close that his left thigh touched Laura's right thigh. Ted put his son in their middle, right on both their laps.

"I love you." he repeated and added: "I love you both."

Laura felt the weight of Teddy Junior on her leg, and she put her left hand on his chest to support his balance. At the same time, she put her right hand on Ted's shoulder. She felt the warm heat radiating from Teddy Junior's little heart, and she felt the strength of Ted's body next to her. Looking at both the man she loved and the little boy she had come to love much more than just any friend's child, Laura still couldn't help herself but feel that a certain thing, a certain someone was missing for perfection. But she felt the love of two hearts, and she felt the love in her own heart. Perfection was impossible, Laura reminded herself, and longing for the unreachable would only prevent her from seeing how great was what was given to her. And it was great.

"I love you both." Laura confirmed, using the same words Ted had used, and then she kissed him. After what had happened one day ago, she hadn't dared to dream of kissing him ever again. But Ted hadn't volunteered, he hadn't left Pan Am, he wouldn't go to Vietnam. He would stay, and Laura would be with him and his son. But it was more than just relief that flavored this kiss. Her feelings for Ted had grown stronger than ever, and in this kiss she shared them with Ted, and she felt that Ted was feeling the same. Laura loved Ted, she knew Ted loved her, and she hoped that Teddy Junior would love her, too.

"Momma!"

A whole second passed before Teddy Junior's happy exclamation reached Laura's mind, and even then, for a short moment, she imagined a future in which the boy would address her like this. But then her thoughts returned to reality. Laura turned her head away from Ted and looked at the door, and she saw Amanda. She wore her long travel coat that was much too warm for the season, and in her right hand she carried a large suitcase which seemed to be very heavy. It was obvious that Amanda was going on a journey. In her left hand she hold Laura's light summer jacket.

"You left your jacket at Ted's apartment." Amanda's voice was low and frail, and her hand began to tremble when she looked at Ted, Laura, and her son sitting so close. She averted her eyes. "It was a mistake, I shouldn't have come, it was unnecessary, you would have gotten it back from Ted…" she then said and turned away to leave.

Laura quickly lifted Teddy Junior from her leg and put him on his father's lap, and she jumped up from the couch even before Ted could get proper hold of the boy. In three fast steps Laura reached Amanda. Everything happened so fast, she didn't have any time to think about what she was doing. Laura grabbed Amanda by both shoulders to hold her back from going and turned her around so that she was looking in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry for what I said to you, I was so wrong." Laura sputtered. "I was confused, and upset, and I was hurt by what had happened, but all that is no excuse for what I did, for how cruel I was. Please, forgive me, and please forget the dumb nonsense I was talking, what I told Ted about you, and what I said to you. I didn't mean it, you have to believe me."

Laura spoke so fast, she herself doubted that Amanda could understand everything, but her emotions were bursting out, and Laura couldn't hold them back. Both her hands left Amanda's shoulders and touched her cheeks, and then Laura kissed her. It took Amanda a moment, but then she shook off the surprise and responded. Laura had closed her eyes, and she was so focused on the kiss that she barely felt the heavy suitcase rumbling against her leg when Amanda dropped it. But she did feel Amanda's arms embracing her.

When Laura opened her eyes again, she saw a single tear in Amanda's eye, but it was accompanied by a big smile on her face, and Laura knew it was a tear of joy. For one second, Laura hold the deep look in Amanda's eyes, and she felt that Amanda had forgiven her much faster than Laura had dreamt of. But when this one second had past, Laura remembered that, again, there was still a certain thing, a certain someone missing for perfection. Laura turned around to look at Ted and Teddy Junior. The little boy was smiling, laughing when he saw his mother and the second most important woman in his life so happy and joyful. But Ted's expression was different. For a moment, Laura feared he would burst out in anger again, but when he spoke, his voice was calm:

"Laura, I'm confused." he said, and Laura could tell that this was his genuine feeling. "You said you'd love me."

"I do, I do love you." Laura answered. "And I love Amanda."

"Do you 'love' her in the same way she 'loves' me, like a friend, or like a sister or…? I don't know…" Ted's face showed his confusion, and Laura couldn't help but think how cute he looked when he was confused and how much she loved him even, if not especially when he felt insecure.

"No. I love her in the same way I love you. I'm in love with you, and I'm in love with Amanda at the same time."

Laura realized that in this moment when Ted had asked her about her feelings, it was the first time that she herself recognized what her true feelings really were. For the first time she understood what had confused her for weeks. And now, it seemed so clear, so simple. It was love, and there was nothing easier to understand than that.

Laura looked at Amanda and smiled at her, and she could tell from Amanda's answering smile that the other woman understood what she was trying to explain. Obviously, when Amanda had fallen in love with her, as she had explained to Laura just a week ago, she had known that she was in love with another person, and she had known how strong this love was. It hadn't kept her from falling in love with Laura, and it wouldn't stop her from continuing to love her, Laura was sure about that. Laura grabbed Amanda's hand and gently towed her over to the couch. When they both were just one step away from Ted, he raised from the sofa with Teddy Junior in his arms, and at this moment Laura knew that everything would be alright.

"My love for you both is equally strong." Laura explained again, and with her free hand she reached for Ted's free hand. "And it is the strongest feeling I have ever felt. Loving both of you doesn't weaken my feelings for one of you, on the contrary, it only makes them stronger. I love both of you, and I love what the three of us share together. If I lost only one of you, I would feel as if had lost my life."

Laura looked at Teddy Junior, and she saw the joy on his face. To him, everything was so simple, and it should be just as simple to the three adults, too. And it was. Laura looked in Ted's eyes, and she felt his hand tighten the grip on her own hand in confirming response.

"I've read your letter," Laura said to Amanda, "and you were wrong about a lot of things. You wrote that your love wouldn't be strong enough. Let me tell you the same you've told me: your love is strong enough! But you were also right about a lot of things. Your son deserves parents who love him, and who love each other. I know that you love him," Laura turned towards Ted, "and you love him, too. You are his parents, and you love him like only parents can love their child."

Laura paused for a moment to enjoy the overwhelming positive emotions both Amanda and Ted were feeling when they were reminded of the strongest bond they shared. Amanda took the last step towards her son, thereby closing the circle, and Teddy Junior found himself in the middle of his parents and the woman they both loved.

"I feel that I love him, too, and I'm so happy that you both know that." Laura continued after a long moment of silence. "Amanda, you wrote that a child needs parents who not only love him, but who also love each other. I think I understand the feelings you have for Ted, and even though they may not be the feelings other wives have for their husband, I'm positive that your feelings are good and strong. But even if you doubt they are strong enough, even if you still feel there is a gap between you and Ted that shouldn't part parents, please let my love be your bridge to close this gap."

Amanda smiled, she nodded, and then she kissed Laura. Half a year ago, she had invited Laura to be part of her marriage, but what she was doing now was far more than that. It also was far more than just a confirmation of their mutual love. Laura felt deeply grateful for being accepted into the most intimate relationship a person could ever develop. And Laura had experienced the same gratefulness over the same acceptance just minutes ago when Ted had put his son on her lap, and she now turned towards Ted.

"Ted, I want to be honest with you, I don't know how I would react if you told me you were in love with another person, if you asked me to share you with somebody else. And yet, I tell you that I'm in love with Amanda, and I ask you to accept my love for her, and to share me with your wife. I can't change my feelings, and I don't want to. I don't want any of my feelings to change, because integral part of my feelings is my love for you. Nothing has changed in the way I feel for you. And I can only hope that nothing has changed in the way you feel for me."

Ted didn't react as fast as Amanda had done, but Laura knew that he wasn't hesitating because of his feelings. Ted still had Teddy Junior in his left arm, and now he handed the boy over to his mother. When both his hands were freed, he placed his left hand on Laura's hip and used his right hand to gently caress her neck. It was so typical of Ted to take the time for this, and his confidence reminded Laura of the many things she loved about him, as his confused insecurity had just minutes ago.

Laura had thought that the kiss she and Ted had shared with Teddy Junior on their lap had been the most intense experience of loving acceptance she had ever had. But it hadn't been perfection. Laura had thought that the kiss she and Amanda had shared when Amanda had forgiven her had been the most fulfilling experience of unconditional love she had ever had. But it hadn't been perfection. Now Ted kissed her. Laura felt his kiss, she felt his tender hands on her body, and at the same time she felt Amanda's hand gently petting her back. Laura turned towards Amanda and kissed her, while Ted's hand continued to caress her neck. And then she felt Teddy Junior's little hand on her cheek and she heard his joyfully laugh.

And it was perfection.

– – – –

_Other stories in this series:_

I:

Colette's story _(coming soon)_

II.

Kate's story: "We'll Always Have Beirut" (story URL: /s/9344458)

III.

**Laura's story: "More Love Than Two Can Handle"**

IV.

Maggie's story _(coming soon)_

V.

The Grand Finale_ (coming soon)_


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